


The first of many...

by Annerp



Series: To Change his fate [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Boys Being Boys, Comfort Sex, Cutesy, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Steve Rogers, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Magic, Marriage, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Rimming, Sappy, Sex, Shameless Smut, Snarky Bucky, Supportive Bucky Barnes, Supportive Frigga, Teasing, Voyeurism, frostshield - Freeform, stoki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-20 06:50:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 37,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annerp/pseuds/Annerp
Summary: I'll be posting a series of one shots here detailing first times in Steve and Loki's lives.





	1. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 1 Christmas 

 

Steve stands in the living room of his and Loki’s Brooklyn home, arms folded across his chest, “do you think he’ll like it?”

Bucky smiles at his friend and places a hand on his shoulder, giving him a little squeeze. “Of course he will.”

“I’m not even sure he understands what Christmas means. We didn’t really get a chance to talk about it before he got called back to Asgard.”

Bucky has to turn away from the brightly lit tree to hide his grin. He finds it cute that Steve is so worried, but he knows Loki has a fairly good understanding of the meaning of Christmas. Or at least as much understanding as a 1000 year old Norse God from another realm can. When Loki brought Bucky back from Asgard several weeks ago, the god asked the super soldier just what it all meant and Bucky was happy to explain. After all, Christmas was always one of Steve’s favorite times of the year.

“I just want it to be special, you know? It’s our first Christmas together. Last year I didn’t get to celebrate at all. We were on the helicarrier,” Steve continues as he steps forward to adjust the placement of a couple of ornaments. “Of course I’m probably being selfish. This is really more for me. He won’t even care.”

“He’ll care Steve, and he’ll love it. Now knock it off and show me what you got him.”

The blonde goes to retrieve a long wooden case from his bedroom and sets it on the kitchen counter. Bucky takes a moment to admire the intricate carvings that cover every surface before he opens it, revealing 2 stunning daggers. The long blades are inlaid with the same patterns from the case. Both handles are covered in woven black and green leather. They are utterly beautiful and deadly, just like the man they are meant for.

“Loki is going to love these. You did good Stevie.”

The praise should make Steve happy, but instead he frowns, “its not enough. He gave me half of his life. How can I ever give him something to be worthy of that?”

Bucky lightly slaps the back of his best friends head, “if you weren’t worthy of it, he wouldn’t have done it. And I am fairly certain that Loki wasn’t entirely selfless in doing that. You can’t spend the next 2000 years feeling like you owe him something. That will not be good for your marriage.  And I know Loki doesn’t want that,” he admonishes.

With a sheepish smile Steve pulls his friend into a hug, “you’re right. Thanks Buck.”

“Of course I’m right.” He pulls back and walks to the front door where he puts on his heavy jacket to guard against the cold outside. “I’ve gotta go. Have a Merry Christmas Steve. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

And now Steve feels guilty, “you can stay. I’m sure Loki won’t mind.”

“Oh no. I am not going to be the third wheel on your first Christmas. Besides, I’ve got plans.”

It’s clear by the look on Steve’s face that he doesn’t believe him. “Don’t look at me like that. I told you, I have plans. Natasha’s coming over with a bottle of vodka. Sam said he may stop by too. Although, I won’t be disappointed if he doesn’t make it,” Bucky tells him with a wink.

“Fine, go. I’ll see you for New Years.” When Bucky is gone, Steve once again stands in front of the tree, nervously moving ornaments until he is satisfied. He stacks some wood in the fireplace and then concentrates on pulling forth his magic. He knows that no amount of practice will ever give him a fraction of the skill his husband wields, but still he practices diligently, with the same determination that he applies to everything else in his life. He is rewarded when a small flame sputters to life and slowly spreads within the fireplace. He smiles to himself, knowing Loki will be pleased.

Turning on some Christmas music, Steve pulls out the gold and green wrapping paper he bought and sets about wrapping his husband’s gift. Once he is done, he carefully lays the box under the tree and then grabs the spell book Dr. Strange lent him and curls up on the couch to wait.

 

It is just past 1am on Christmas Eve when Loki appears in the living room. He takes a moment to watch his husband sleeping on the couch, his book laying on the ground where he must have dropped it when he dozed off. The site warms his heart and eases the stress from the last few days of treaty negotiations.

He knew being back in Asgards graces would mean having to spend more time there, but he severely dislikes leaving Steve for any period of time, let alone the days on end that these types of negotiations can sometimes take. As it is, he has been gone for almost 2 weeks and has missed his husband terribly. He can only hope that the agreements he set in place, will mean he can spend less time on Asgard and more time at home.

Loki takes the large box he brought with him and places it under the tree, admiring the beauty of the twinkling lights and decorations that Steve no doubt spent countless hours working on. He feels a twinge of guilt for not being there with him to share in the experience. The god is loathe to wake his husband, but wants nothing more than to sleep beside him in their bed and so he gently lays a hand on his arm, “Steve. Lets get you to bed.”

The blonde stirs slightly, but doesn’t wake and so Loki gives a light shake to his arm, “c’mon love.”

“Loki?” Steve asks as he slowly blinks his eyes open. A smile spreads across his sleepy features as he comes more awake, “you’re back.”

“Come Steve, lets go to bed,” Loki tells him as he pulls him up from the couch and walks him towards their room.

“Do you like the tree?”

“Its beautiful.  I only regret that I was not able to be here to share in decorating it,” he replies as he pulls the covers back and helps Steve into bed.

The blonde immediately rolls to his side, into his normal sleeping position, “its okay. Its not done yet. I left the best parts for you.”

With a smile, Loki pulls off his leathers and slips into the bed next to his husband, curling his body protectively around him, so that Steve’s back is flush to Loki’s chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Steve replies sleepily before drifting back to sleep.

 

Steve wakes early as he often does. The first thing he notices is the warmth across his back and the weight of his husbands hand on his hip. He smiles and takes the time to indulge himself, laying in Loki’s arms. The need to urinate necessitates him having to extract himself from the warm bed and so he reluctantly gets up.

Once he is done, he checks back in on Loki, who is still sleeping soundly and goes to start a fire in the living room to take the chill out of the air. His eyes land on the box that Loki left under the tree and he briefly wonders what it may contain.

Moving into the kitchen he pulls out what he needs to make breakfast and soon the smell of cooking bacon fills the air. As he expected, that is all it takes to rouse the god, who wanders into the living room looking slightly rumpled and yet completely put together all at once.

Steve notes with amusement that Loki is wearing the Captain America pajama pants that Bucky bought him as a joke and a long sleeve henley shirt that no doubt came from his own side of the closet, based on the loose way it fits. 

Breaking away from the cooking food, Steve gives Loki a chaste kiss on the cheek, knowing from experience that anything more would lead to burned food and blaring smoke alarms as they satisfy their lust for one another.

“Breakfast will be ready in a couple of minutes, have a seat and I’ll bring it to you.”

“Thank you love,” Loki answers as he sits and artfully arranges a throw blanket across his body. “What do you have planned for us today?”

In the kitchen, Steve plates the food and brings Loki his breakfast and a glass of juice before returning and getting his own. He sits on the couch next to the god and waits for him to start eating before he answers. “Well, you’ve been gone for a while so I thought we could spend a little time catching up.”

The blonde shoves a forkful of food in his mouth and chews quickly. Loki doesn’t miss the blush that spreads across his face and he spends the next few moments contemplating just what _catching up_ might entail. “I would like that,” he responds.

“And tonight, I thought we could put the last of the decorations on the tree and then take a walk around the neighborhood and look at all the lights.”

“That sounds lovely,” Loki tells him honestly.

Loki stands and takes Steve’s plate and his own back into the kitchen and sets them on the counter. Then he pulls his shirt off, dropping it on the floor as he heads back into the bedroom. He is anxious to begin _catching up_. As is Steve, who is right behind him.

As soon as Steve enters the room, Loki pulls him into a kiss and starts to push his sleep pants down off his lovers hips, stopping only long enough to yank the simple cotton t-shirt over his head. The blonde responds by stepping forward, causing Loki to step back until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. Steve gives the god a little push and he falls back on the bed, but not before grabbing Steve’s arm and pulling him down with him.

Steve hits the bed and starts to laugh, “god, I’ve missed you.” He nuzzles against the gods neck, trailing kisses and gentle bites over every inch of exposed skin. He moves his hand down and lets it hover just over the fabric of Loki’s pants, “fjern avslør,” he whispers.  

Loki’s gasps as the air hits his skin when his pants disappear. “You’ve been practicing,” he praises.

“I had a lot of time on my hands,” Steve tells him huskily as he shifts his body to line their erections up together.

Loki wraps his hand around both of them and begins to stroke. He is not gentle or slow. His only goal is to bring them over the edge as quickly as possible. It has been too long for both of them and he wants to take the edge off so they can focus and truly take their time reacquainting their bodies. As expected neither man takes long and they spend several long minutes caressing each other lovingly.  

“I’ve missed you so much,” Steve says as he trails his fingers across Loki’s chest. “Tell me what you want.” 

Loki isn’t quite able to stifle the moan those words elicit. “You, I just want you.”   

 

The god is flat on his back looking up at his husband. Steve’s muscles flex and stretch as he moves and if Loki didn’t know better, he would swear Steve was the god.

“Loki……” Steve moans out as he braces his hands on his husbands chest.  The god places his hands on Steve’s hips and pulls him harder down onto his cock. He thrusts up and knows he has found Steve’s prostate when his mouth drops open and he lets out a soft keen. 

“Are you close love?” Loki asks. The blonde can only nod his head. “Stroke yourself. I want you to come with me. Can you do that? Are you ready?” 

“Yesssssss….”Steve stammers out. Loki increases the force of his thrusts as he pulls Steve down, fingers leaving purple bruises on his lover. 3 more thrusts and Loki is coming hard. Another 2 has Steve coming as well.   

 

Loki pulls off his coat as he shakes the fresh snow out of his hair. Steve grins at him as he pulls off his gloves and then his own jacket.  

“Let me see you start the fire,” Loki requests. The blonde hangs his coat up and walks over to the fireplace where he puts in more wood and then concentrates. He is rewarded with the low whoosh as the fire takes hold and begins to crackle pleasantly.  

“Did you like the lights?” Steve asks as he stands and moves over to pick up a box from behind the tree. 

“Very much. Although I’m not sure about those air filled cartoon characters. Those seem a bit much,” Loki laughs. 

Setting the box down, Steve reaches in and pulls out an ornament and hands it to Loki. The god looks at it as a smile forms on his face. He places the replica of Steve’s shield on the tree and then accepts the next ornament that is handed to him. This one, in the shape of his helmet makes him smile even more. It is placed on the tree next to Steve’s. The blonde wraps his arms around the gods waist and they share a kiss illuminated by the glow of multi colored Christmas lights.   

 

Steve wakes up to find Loki watching him with a soft smile on his lips.

“How long have you been awake?” he asks.

“Not long.” Loki doesn’t say anything else, just continues to run his eyes over the naked form of his husband. He watches as a blush starts to creep across the blondes cheeks. He moves closer and steals a quick kiss before rising from the bed and pulling out two pairs of pajama pants from the dresser. He puts one on and tosses the other one to Steve who quickly puts them on.  Leading him by the hand, Steve guides Loki to sit with him on the living room floor at the base of the tree. He hands the god his present and waits expectantly for him to open it.

Loki takes a moment to admire the care with which it was wrapped before he carefully starts to pull the paper away. Inside, he finds the long wooden box. It is beautifully carved with ancient runes. The meanings are not lost on the god. Family, love, commitment, acceptance, protection and loyalty. He opens the latch and lifts the lid revealing the blades within.  

“Steve, these are beautiful,” he breathes as he pulls one out. The runes are also inlaid into the metal of the blades which are perfectly balanced and no doubt incredibly sharp. Steve lets out the breath he had been holding, pleased that Loki seems to like his gift.

“They’re made of vibranium, same as my shield. As a matter of fact…….” Steve stands and pulls his shield out from the front closet and brings it back over to Loki. He turns it so the god can see that all of the paint has now been removed from the front, leaving the deep platinum color of the raw metal exposed and the same designs that have been inlaid into the surface of the outer most ring. They are a set, meant to be together, to compliment each other. 

When Steve sits back down, Loki places the blade back into the case and hands his husband the box he brought back from Asgard. Like an excited child, Steve rips through the delicate parchment covering the box and pulls off the lid. He lifts the black leather and holds it up. Similar in cut to his Captain America uniform, this garment is almost entirely black, with the outline of a silver star on the chest and an image of Loki’s own helmet stitched into one of the shoulders. There is also a black leather harness for his shield.  He runs his fingers over the leather as he imagines how it will feel against his skin. Setting it aside, Steve pulls out a second, matching uniform, this one with a long coat to go with it.  

“I wasn’t sure if you would want the coat for yours or not, but I can have one made for you as well if you decide you do,” the god explains.  

“Will you put yours on for me?” Steve asks as he hands the uniform to him. 

Loki smiles mischievously, “how about we both try them on?” he suggests as he stands and steps out of his pajama pants and begins to dress in the leather.  Steve stands as well and does the same thing, only pausing when he needs Loki to show him how to work a clasp or buckle.  When the god steps back to check the fit of the blondes uniform, the site almost takes his breath away and he cannot resist pulling him close and crashing their lips together. It takes less time to get out of the uniforms and both men are grateful for that. 

 

Later, when they lay tangled together on the couch, sated again, Loki turns to look at his husband, “Merry Christmas Steve.”      

 

 


	2. New Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 2 New Years

  

The lull after Christmas has been really nice. Lazy days spent lounging on the couch in his pajamas or even better, being naked anywhere in the house with his husband. Steve takes a moment to appreciate the relative peace and quiet, broken only by the faint huff of Loki’s breath against his shoulder. The blonde smiles when Loki shifts in his sleep and tries to burrow even closer to him. He knows there are many challenges ahead of them, but in this moment he can almost forget Tony and Clint and Asgard and the file Natasha sent over detailing A.I.M’s latest activities. Right now he is content to lay in bed, feeling sated and relaxed, next to the man he loves more than anything.

Right up until his phone rings.

Steve reaches over and fumbles around on the nightstand until he is able to grab the device and silence it, but its too late. Loki blinks his eyes open and moves to sit up, expression morphing into a glare when the phone starts to ring again.

“Sorry,” Steve apologizes as he turns the phone so Loki can see that it is Bucky calling. “Hey Buck,” he says, putting the phone up to his ear.

Loki rolls his eyes then throws back the covers. He gets out of bed and strolls over to the closet where he pulls out a pair of black slacks and a black dress shirt. Going back into the closet he selects a pair of jeans, a dark blue and black plaid long sleeve shirt and a black vest for Steve. He lays everything out at the end of the bed and then strolls into the bathroom.

Steve can hear the shower turn on and has to shake himself to stop thinking about his husbands wet, naked form…..

“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Bucky’s voice can be heard.

“What? Oh. Um…. What were you saying?” Steve responds sheepishly.

“Let me guess, Loki was distracting you. Again.”

Steve can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face, “only a little.”

Huffing out a laugh, Bucky responds, “yeah, whatever. Just don’t let him distract you tonight. I expect you guys here no later than 8:00.”

“We’ll be there.”

Bucky can tell by the tone of his friends voice that he is distracted yet again. “Geez, go. Play with your husband. Get it out of your system so you’ll be on time tonight,” Bucky laughs as he hangs up.

The blonde wastes no time tossing the phone down and heading into the bathroom to see if Loki needs any help in the shower.

 

Natasha pulls the door open to Bucky’s place, Fury’s former safe house. “Rogers, Loki,” she greets the men.

Loki quirks an eyebrow at her and glances into the living room beyond. “Don’t get any ideas. Everyone else is on the deck.”

The fake look of affront that Loki adopts makes Steve laugh. “I would never imply that there was something going on between you and Bucky,” the god says, placing a hand to his chest and pulling his head back, exposing part of his long neck.

“No, of course you wouldn’t,” she smirks before turning and leading the way out to the deck.

“Look everyone! It’s Loki and Steve!” Bucky calls out upon seeing them. “And only,” he checks his watch, “20 minutes late.” He holds his hand out and waits for Sam, who is standing beside him, to pull out his wallet and slap a $20 bill into his palm.

“Hold on,” Natasha says as she reaches up and pulls slightly at Loki’s shirt collar, exposing a dark purple bruise. She holds her hand out to Bucky who hands over the $20.

Steve looks over at his husband and can’t resist himself, so he leans in and kisses the bruise on his neck that he put there earlier that day. “I can’t believe you bet on us,” he tells his friends as a smirk spreads over Loki’s face.

“Dammit,” Natasha curses as she hands the $20 over to the gods outstretched hand.

 

Loki is leaning against Steve, arm around his waist, standing at the edge of the deck.

 “What was with all those bets?” the blonde asks.

“Oh, well…… Bucky and Sam bet on us being late. Natasha and Bucky bet on which one of us would have any marks. And Natasha was certain you would get all flustered and embarrassed when called out on it,” the god grins. 

Steve grips Loki at the back of his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. When he pulls away, the god is a little breathless.

“Hey! Knock it off over there you two!” Bucky calls out. “Save it for midnight.”

 

Steve makes the rounds and is talking to Scott and Fury. He stops mid sentence when Bruce walks out on to the deck behind Natasha. The scientist immediately heads over.

“Steve,” he greets.

The blonde freezes for a second before taking a breath and extending his hand, “Bruce. It’s good to see you.”

For all the initial awkwardness, Steve is pleased to be able to talk with his former team mate. They delicately dance around certain topics, choosing instead to speak of things that are simple, non confrontational, safe. And he has hope. Hope that maybe he didn’t destroy everything when he made his choice.

Steve looks over at Loki, watches him laughing with Bucky, head dipped down, one hand on the soldiers shoulder and he knows, without a doubt, he would make the same choices, but that doesn’t stop the intense relief that he feels at being able to talk to Bruce like this. Bruce follows his gaze and when he looks back at Steve, there is no mistaking the happiness he see’s there.

 

It is mere minutes before midnight and Steve stands with his arm held loosely around Loki’s waist. He has a beer in his hand and even if the alcohol cannot affect him, he enjoys the slight bitter taste on his tongue. He looks around at his friends, all gathered to celebrate the coming New Year and he counts his blessings as he pulls Loki just a little closer.

 

As the time gets nearer, Bucky ensures everyone has a drink of their choice in hand. It is Scott who pulls his phone out and counts the seconds down. At the stroke of midnight, Steve pulls Loki close and tenderly kisses his husband. He pulls away and flicks his eyes up to Loki’s face.  The corner of Loki’s mouth quirks up and he jerks his head so Steve turns around just in time to see Natasha approach Bucky with a tumbler and bottle of vodka in her hand. She pours some, then takes a drink before handing the glass to Bucky.  Standing up on her toes, Natasha leans in and kisses the solider. Her kiss is firm with just a hint of tongue and over all too soon. When she pulls back, Bucky quickly gulps down a drink and then looks up in time to see both Loki and Steve grinning at him.

Steve holds out his hand and Loki pulls the $20 bill out of his pocket and hands it over before they turn their attention to the sky, holding each other close, as the fireworks paint the night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know yet what direction Bucky and Natasha are going to go, but I like them as a pair.


	3. You Got Married?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place immediately after chapter 57 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 3 You got Married?

  

 

Loki reaches out and grabs Steve’s arm to steady him as the bifrost deposits them into the observatory on Asgard.

“I’ll get used to it. I swear,” Steve blushes.

Loki just grins at him and turns to Heimdall.

“The Queen awaits,” the all seer tells them with a gesture towards the rainbow bridge.

With a quick nod of acknowledgement, Loki turns on his heel and exits the observatory with Steve at his side. A grin spreads across the gods face when he see’s Bucky sitting astride a gorgeous black horse. Beside him are two other horses from Odin’s stables.

“What’s this?” Steve asks, not quite able to contain the waver in his voice.

“Horses, Steve. Look at ‘em. They’re great!” Bucky responds joyfully while his mount shuffles back and forth.

The blonde shoots his friend a glare and stays carefully away from the large animals. “I can see that,” Steve tells him testily. He looks over at Loki who is stroking the largest of the horses, a lovely gray stallion, between the eyes. The gentle way Loki touches the animal is endearing to Steve, but does nothing to help relieve his sense of unease.

Placing his foot in the stirrup, Loki swings himself up into the saddle with practiced ease, leaving Steve standing on the ground trying not to look at the brown horse that he is apparently meant to ride. The blonde reaches his hand up and rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Loki…… I’m not sure about this.”

The god jumps down and approaches his husband. “Have you never ridden?”

“No, uh, never.”

“If you prefer, you can ride with me,” Loki offers.

Steve can feel the blush spreading down his neck as he thinks about riding behind Loki with his arms wrapped around his waist. The thought does have a certain appeal and he may have to revisit those images later in private, but for now, “no, its ok….I can do this,” he swallows nervously.

The god leans in and places a quick kiss on Steve’s cheek before leading him up to his horse. Loki takes the reins and then instructs his husband on how to position his foot so he can get in the saddle. Once Loki is fairly confident that Steve won’t fall off the horse, he mounts his own and urges it to draw near. The group sets off at a slow pace towards the palace. Steve keeps quiet, concentrating on keeping his balance.  As they reach the palace, Steve is finally starting to feel more secure, but is still glad when Loki helps him down onto solid ground.

They are met by the Queen and a pair of stable hands who quickly take the horses.

“Loki!” Frigga beams as she pulls her son into a hug. When she releases him, she turns her attention to Steve. The Queen narrows her eyes and looks the blonde over, who suddenly becomes nervous under her scrutiny. He knows he will have to explain about having received some of Loki’s magic, but he had hoped to bring it up later, in private.  The entire reason for this visit is to take back some texts so Steve can learn to use his new gift. But now as he watches her lips purse into a thin line, he can feel himself begin to sweat.

Bucky can feel the tension as his gaze shifts between Loki, Frigga and Steve. Finally he excuses himself and heads back inside the palace to his room, wondering what Steve has managed to get himself into this time.

“Mother?” Loki begins before he is silenced by a look from the Queen.

She slowly circles around the soldier, sending tendrils of her magic out, seeking the truth of what she feels. And Steve can feel it. He can sense her magic as it washes over him, warm and tingling in his muscles. How many times had Loki done this to him and Steve had been unable to feel it, until the livsoverføring.

Frigga moves to stand in front of Steve again then turns her attention to Loki. She grabs both of her sons hands and looks at them. She releases him and steps back, “marriage verborir,” is all she says.

 _Oh shit._ Steve knows exactly why he is in trouble now.  It’s not about the magic. Its because he married her baby boy.

“In 3 hours time, we will meet in my sitting room. Do not be late,” the Queen pronounces and then turns and walks towards her gardens.

Steve looks at his husband, the panic clearly written on his face. Loki just shrugs his shoulder and nonchalantly enters the palace. Hurrying to catch up, Steve falls into step beside the god.

“On a scale of complete evisceration to welcome to the family, how much trouble am I in?”

Loki only grins and pulls Steve along by the hand, “come on, lets go to the library while we have the chance.”

 

When they get back to Loki’s room, they are both carrying several books for Steve to study. The soldiers enthusiasm at the prospect of learning, quickly diminishing as the time to meet with the Queen drew nearer. In Loki’s room they find 2 sets of matching garments.  Entirely made of leather, basic shirts made in green with an over vest with black diagonal sections running across of them. The simple pants are accented with green detailing on the thighs. There are also sets of shoulder armor and gauntlets.

Loki picks one of the garments up, “no cape?” He sighs dramatically at the lack of flair of the clothing, but Steve can see the attempt to ease his nerves and appreciates his husbands efforts.

Loki starts to pull off his clothing, but stops when he see’s Steve just standing there. “You need to get dressed. I have no doubt that if we arrive late or not in the proper attire, my mother will be very cross.”

“Cross?” Steve asks. “She looked pretty cross before,” but he begins to undress.

He pulls on the pants first and Loki cannot resist the site of the soldier in those tight leather pants. He steps closer and runs his hand down Steve’s bare chest, stopping once he reaches the waistband.

When he dips his fingers beneath the fabric Steve catches his wrist, “no way! We are not doing this now.”

“Fine,” Loki pouts as he begins to pull on his own clothes.

“I mean, maybe if I get out of here alive, they’ll let us take these home?” Steve suggests hopefully.

“Perhaps,” Loki purrs as he runs his eyes over his husbands body appreciatively.

 

The closer they get to Frigga’s sitting room the more Steve’s stomach twists into knots until he feels positivity ill. Loki grabs his hand and with a quick knock, he pushes open the door.

Both men are surprised to see not only Frigga, but also Bucky, Odin and Thor. Steve glances to Bucky, an unspoken question on his face, but his friend only shrugs his shoulder, looking equally confused. Steve notes that there are no seats for he and Loki to sit and so he remains standing. Loki steadfastly holds his hand as he waits for someone to speak.

It is Odin who stands, Gungnir in hand. He approaches the couple and looks them over appraisingly. Without taking his eyes off the men, he says, “you are correct my Queen. The contract has been sealed and consummated.”

Steve blanches at that, extremely embarrassed to have what he now realizes are essentially his in-laws, discuss their sex life. Even though Bucky still has no idea what is going on, he chuckles.

Odin addresses the couple, “the marriage contract you have entered into is eternally binding between you,” he begins, only to be cut off by Bucky.

“Marriage? You got married? And didn’t tell me?” He isn’t sure if he should be angry with his friend or proud.

Frigga silences him with a look and the soldier abruptly closes his mouth and sits back further into his chair.

The All Father glances back at Bucky to make sure he is not going to interrupt again, then returns his attention to Steve and Loki. “Despite the binding, in order to have official standing on Asgard and within the realms, you will also need to enter into a traditional arrangement, thus recognizing Steve as your consort.”

Bucky snorts a laugh at the word consort and Loki glares at him in response.

“Steve, you need not do this,” Loki tells the blonde.

He doesn’t even stop to think, “why wouldn’t I? We’re already married, we know that. This just makes it so everyone else knows too.”

“It is settled then,” Odin announces. “Thor, you will witness for Loki and James Barnes, you will witness for Steve.”

“Um ok?” Bucky responds, unsure of what he is supposed to do, but follows Thor’s lead and moves to stand beside Steve, just as the blonde god is now beside Loki.

Loki turns to face Steve and grasps his left hand with his own. Odin takes Gungnir and holds the end of the staff over their joined hands, which immediately start to glow. When he pulls the staff back the glow subsides leaving in place 2 simple bands of gold on their fingers.

“It is done,” Odin pronounces.

Steve looks up in surprise, “wait, that’s it? I thought there would be more.”

Frigga approaches her new son in law and pulls him into a hug, “a proclamation with be made. Did you want more? A big spectacle befitting a Prince of Asgard?”

The blonde has to think for a moment on that, he would prefer not to have a big public affair, but, “I want whatever Loki wants. If he wishes it, I will do it.”

“Loki?” the Queen asks.

“No. I have no desire for that. Steve is mine alone. Speaking of,” he turns back to his husband, “I believe this marriage must also be consummated. So if you’ll excuse us.” He pulls Steve out into the hallway leaving behind a slightly bewildered Bucky Barnes and joyously happy Thor.

When they get back to Loki’s room Steve stops him, “you know, if you wanted the big wedding, I would have done it.”

“Oh I know,” Loki answers as he begins to remove Steve’s shoulder armor.

The soldier reaches up and takes Loki’s hands in his, stopping him from doing anything else. He averts his eyes, afraid of the answer to his next question, “you aren’t, uh, ashamed of me, are you?”

“What? No! Of course not, why would you think that?”

Still not able to meet Loki’s eyes he answers, “any number of reasons, I’m a man, not Asgardian, not royalty. Pick a reason. There’s plenty.”

“You also snore, when you are really tired and sleeping on your back, you eat enough food for a small army, you insist on having the ugliest chair you could find, you steal the covers when you sleep and you are unnecessarily insecure,  but you are perfect-“

“Hardly,” Steve interrupts sullenly.

“Perfect for me. And isn’t that all that matters?”

“But you’re a Prince, and I’m just….” Steve trails off. He cannot remember the last time he felt this completely inadequate. Surely before the serum. He loves Loki, but being here, now, on Asgard, it all comes down on him. Making his chest feel tight and his breath come in short little gasps. “Loki you are a Prince, raised to rule. You are royalty, and diplomacy, and sophistication, and magic. All the things I’m not.”

“You are magic,” Loki interjects.

“Magic that I stole from you!”

“You didn’t steal it. I gave it to you,” the god corrects.

“I married a Prince of Asgard, without the knowledge or consent of the King and Queen. What was I thinking?”

Loki is taken aback by his husbands outburst. “Do you regret being married?” he asked cautiously.

“What? No! Of course not. I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“Then you are concerned over nothing. Now stop fretting. That just will not do for a Prince Consort of Asgard.”

The mischievous grin on Loki’s face as he draws Steve closer by the hand, causes a twinge of desire to erupt in his belly as Loki releases him to pull off his own gauntlets and armor.

“A Prince Consort?” Steve chuckles as he watches Loki unclasp the vest and pull it and the green leather shirt off, dropping them casually on the floor. Leaving him standing in only the black and green leather pants.

“Well yes, you are now officially a Prince of Asgard, but you can never ascend to the throne in your own right.” Loki continues as he bends to remove his boots.

Steve isn’t listening any longer as he watches the muscles shift and move under the pale skin of Loki’s torso. When he straightens, the site before Steve is positively erotic and has his own pants uncomfortably tight. He makes quick work of removing his own gauntlets, and shirts. He elects to keep the pants and boots on for now as he gracefully kneels before the god.

Loki lets out an obscenely loud groan when he looks down on Steve. He already feels on the verge of coming and the blonde hasn’t even laid a hand on him. And when he does reach up, deft fingers pulling at the laces on the front of his pants, Loki hisses at the stimulation.  Steve is deliberately slow as he works the front of Loki’s pants open. He pulls the leather lace completely out of the eyelets so he can get the most access and then reaches in and pulls out his husbands already leaking cock. He doesn’t even play at gentleness as he dives forward and takes as much of Loki’s length into his mouth as he can in one movement. The sound Loki makes is satisfyingly loud and makes Steve’s lips pull back as he tries to smile.

In the back of Loki’s head he knows he should feel embarrassed about just how quickly Steve has him falling apart, but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment as he watches those gorgeous pink lips glide along his length. When Steve pauses and looks up, making eye contact before surging forward to swallow him again, Loki is done for and spills within his husbands mouth with a cry.

He stumbles back and has to reach his hand out to steady himself when the backs of his legs hit the bed. Feeling shaky, he is grateful for the chance to sit and catch his breath.

Steve is still on the floor, although he has shifted to sit back on his heels. The laces of his pants are stretched perilously tight with the strain of his erection. His hair is standing in spikes where Loki gripped it, cheeks flush, body covered in a light sheen of sweat. He looks glorious.

Loki stands long enough to remove his pants then shifts back to lie on the bed, upper body propped up on his elbows, “stand up.”

Obediently, Steve stands.

“Turn around, let me see you.”

Again, the blonde complies as he makes a slow turn, arms held out at his sides. Just the sight has Loki’s cock twitching with renewed interest.

“I want you.”

Steve takes that as direction and quickly removes the remainder of his clothes before crawling up from the end of the bed to lie beside the god. Loki rolls away long enough to pull out a jar of lube, which he hands to his husband. The soldier sets about preparing his lover, trying not to rush, despite the insistent throbbing between his legs. When he is sure Loki is ready, he moves between his legs, then raises them up to rest on his shoulders. With one hand he guides himself into Loki’s body and then shifts forward, pushing the gods knees in close to his chest. His thrusts are deep and long, if not fast.

Up until Loki utters one word, “harder.”

Barely suppressing a groan, Steve begins to move with renewed vigor.

“Faster,” Loki pushes and Steve immediately responds.

“Harder!”

Steve shifts Loki’s legs to give him the leverage he needs and then really lets go. Loki lets out a cry as his semen splatters on his chest. As Loki’s muscles contract around Steve’s length, the soldiers vision whites out and he collapses on the god even while his hips continue to slowly move as if trying to drive his seed deeper into his love.

Pulling away, Steve shifts to lay next to his husband, eyes already heavy with the desire to sleep, but he forces himself to get up and retrieve a wet cloth to clean them both up before he gives in to the urge.

 

Steve comes awake to the sound of knocking on the bedroom door. Beside him, Loki is laying on his stomach, one arm under his pillow seemingly asleep, until his lifts his other hand and flicks it towards the door causing it to open a couple of inches.

Bucky strolls in the room and doesn’t even pause when he sees his two friends in bed. Instead he moves to Steve’s side of the bed and nudges him over so he can sit down, completely ignoring the blush furiously spreading across Steve’s face.

Steve scoots up until he is sitting, making sure to pull the sheet around his waist as Bucky rolls his eyes. “So here’s the official wedding announcement,” he says as he hands over a piece of parchment.

Steve reads it over, eyebrows furrowing. “Its pretty vague. ‘Prince Loki takes a consort’.” He quotes.

Loki rolls over to face them, head propped up on one hand, taking the paper in his other to read over the rest of it. “Necessarily so. Asgard is slow to change. If Steve were a woman things would be different.”

And now the blonde feels bad. He looks at his lap, not quite able to keep the look of displeasure off his face.

“Stop it Steve.” The blonde doesn’t respond.  “I said stop it. Don’t forget that if you were a woman we wouldn’t be together.”

“Right, but I don’t want you to have to hide this….me.”

“We aren’t hiding anything. There will be a feast tonight to officially present you to the royal court. It will just be smaller than usual.”

“And you’re ok with this?”

The corners of Loki’s mouth turn down slightly, “I will admit that I do feel some trepidation, but I will follow mothers lead on this. She has ever been very astute in regards to the timing for revealing sensitive information. It will be fine. And besides, we don’t live here so its not like it matters much. The people who do matter already know and are happy for us.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He tries to push down the surge of guilt he feels when he thinks about his former teammates and how, with the exception of Natasha, they are anything but happy with the revelation of Steve and Loki’s relationship.

“Well this is too much feelings for me,” Bucky announces with a wry smile. “Anyways you two should get up. Your mom said the wedding feast is in 2 hours. Oh and Stevie, don’t think we aren’t going to talk about you running off and getting married without your best man.”

 

Thankfully the official pronouncement to the attendees was quick, even if it left Steve feeling unsure and ill prepared for the coming feast and forced socialization as he scanned the various reactions around the room. Still, he holds his head high, refusing to be cowed by any of the reactions from those in the seemingly endless procession line. Even so, there were only a few who came across as hostile, most approached the couple with a distinct feeling of indifference. There were a few people who seemed happy for the god, even a handful that were excited for the couples union. Steve is looking away and doesn’t see her at first, but it is the last person through the line that finally does it for him.

“Loki!” she calls out exuberantly as she all but throws her arms around him.

Steve watches as his husband grins and returns the embrace enthusiastically and he can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Who is this woman that Loki obviously holds dear?

When she shifts and he can see her more clearly, he nearly staggers back a step. It is only Bucky’s steadying hand at his back that keeps him from making a fool of himself. Bucky, who also knew Peggy, immediately came to support his friend as soon as he saw this woman who so closely resembles her. She is beautiful, petite, with soft waves in her brown hair, ruby red lips and an accent that is close enough to cause an ache in the blondes heart.

“The woman pulls back, still griping Loki’s hands in her own as she gives him an appraising look, “Oh Loki, I am so glad you returned. The Queen was gracious enough to extend an invitation and I just had to be here for you.”

Still beaming with joy, Loki responds, “thank you Signe. It is so good to have you here. Let me introduce you to my husband, Steve Rogers.” He drops one of her hands and gestures to the blonde, who plasters what he hopes is a convincing smile on his face as he turns to the woman, who was his husbands first lover. “Steve, this is Signe, my dearest friend.”

The grin on Loki’s face falters for just a moment as he takes in his husbands forced smile. He glances at Bucky who still holds a steadying hand to Steve’s back, before recovering. It is the pressure of Bucky’s fingers pressing in to his back that makes Steve respond.

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am. I’ve heard so much about you.” He turns to the god, “Loki, I think I’ll go get a drink and let you two catch up. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Go ahead my love.” The question is heard in his voice even though he does not speak it. He glances to Bucky, who gives a reassuring smile before ushering the blonde away.

Bucky leads his friend over to an empty table to sit while he goes and gets two tankards of mead. “So, who is she?” he asks as he sits down.

“Loki’s first.”

“Loki’s first?” Bucky responds, before understanding dawns on his face. “Oh. And I take it you had no idea she looked like Peggy?”

“No idea, but he saw pictures of Peggy before, he had to of known.” Steve lifts his mead and takes a long pull.

The two men sit in silence, drinking their mead, watching Loki and Signe as they huddle close, talking and laughing.

Finally, Bucky breaks the silence, “so what bothers you? The fact that she looks like Peggy? Or the fact that she was his first?”

“A little of both I guess. She got something from him that I didn’t, something special. And from what Loki says wasn’t the best experience for him. I would have wanted to give that to him, to make it special and wonderful, just like he did for me. I want to be his one and only, as he is for me.”

Bucky nods, “I get it. But that ship has sailed.”

“Maybe if I had slept with Peggy……,” Steve frowns, “I don’t know what I’m even trying to say.” He lifts his glass again and swallows another mouthful.

“You’re saying you’re jealous. You see them sitting over there talking, laughing. You want to be the one that makes him smile and laugh, you want to be the one that gives him everything.”

“He gives _me_ everything,” Steve reasons. “Shouldn’t I be able to do the same for him?”

Bucky smiles, “wow, buddy, that really hurts. What am I, chopped liver?”

Steve takes another look at his husband before returning his gaze to his friend. “Geez Bucky. I’m sorry. But its different, I never slept with you.”

Smile spreading into a cocky grin, Bucky asks, “but you wanted to, didn’t you?”

The look of horror on Steve’s face causes Bucky to bark out a laugh, “what? No! Never!”

“Are you sure? Not even a little?” he teases, clapping his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“No Bucky. Not even a little.” He takes another drink, “Sorry for getting married without you.”

“Nah, its cool. You were never one to do things like a normal person. I mean look at us. We’re on another planet celebrating your marriage to a Prince. Who’d a though it. Little Stevie Rogers, a Prince. Besides I got to stand with you at the ceremony here. Even if it was really really short.”

He looks over Steve’s shoulder, “uh oh. Here comes the mother in law. I’m out,” he adds as he watches Frigga approach and stands to leave.

“Come on. Don’t leave me alone,” Steve begs under his breath, just as the Queen arrives.

“Bucky, may I have a word alone with Steve?”

“Of course ma’am. I was just leaving.” He grins at his friend as he walks away.

Steve belatedly jumps to his feet as he offers Frigga a place to sit at the table. “I want to apologize for, uh, marrying Loki without your permission,” he begins. Only to be cut off by the Queen.

“There is no need to apologize. You need not ask for permission for his hand. It was a surprise is all.” She pauses thoughtfully for a moment before continuing.  “I guess I never thought about the fact that Loki would never be able to have a grand royal wedding, even though I know he would not have wanted it. And I was concerned. When we first met, I was unsure of your feelings for my son.”

Frigga reaches across and takes Steve’s left hand in her own. “This ring, it grants you certain rights and protections as Prince Consort under Asgardian law and so had to be done to ensure your safety and recognize your status.” She releases his hand and lets her gaze drift to where Loki is still seated with Signe, before turning back again. “When I told Odin of my suspicions about the marriage contract, he reminded me that the spell binds equally in heart, body, mind and soul. Both partners must be 100% committed or else the binding would not have worked.” She looks meaningfully back to Loki. “Signe is a sweet girl. A good friend to Loki in his youth, just as Bucky was to you. You have been given a second chance to have Bucky in your life and to share him with Loki now. I am sure Loki would be overjoyed to have the same with her.”

Frigga stands and offers her hand to her son in law. “The feast is about to begin, I suggest we take our places.”

Steve is reassured and bolstered by his conversation with Frigga and smiles brightly when Loki comes to take his seat beside him.

“Is everything ok?” the god asks. “You seemed upset earlier.”

Taking the gods hand in his own, Steve tells him, “its nothing, just some petty jealousy.” The blonde’s eyes find Signe sitting at a nearby table.

Loki follows his gaze, “ah, I see. I hope you know that I belong only to you. All of me.”

The smile that Steve gives him is genuine and soft, “yes I know. As I am yours.”

Loki looks at the plate of food before him, before picking up a piece of bread. “If it would help, I would be willing to prove my devotion to you. Over and over. As many times as it takes to reassure you.” Loki says this so casually it almost makes Steve laugh.

The blonde takes a bite of meat off his plate and chews thoughtfully before responding in an equally casual tone, “Oh well, in that case, I may need to be reassured many, many times. It may even take as long as 2000 years to make sure I don’t forget.”

 

“As the Prince Consort you will follow my lead,” Loki tells Steve.

“But, you know I’m not comfortable with this.”

“Its just this once. If you hate it, I promise I will never ask it of you again.”

Steve cannot resist giving Loki anything he wants and so he raises his hand to grip his husbands as he places his other hand on the gods shoulder. Loki lightly rests his hand on Steve's waist and takes a first step. Steve moves with him, following his lead as they glide across the floor. The blonde hates to admit it, but he is actually enjoying himself and can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.

“Thank you, for talking with Signe. I hope you will grow to like her.”

In truth, Steve was already starting to like her. When he approached her after the meal, he found her insightful and funny and it only hurt a little to look at her and be reminded so poignantly of the past.

He turns serious for a moment, “why didn’t you tell me she looks like Peggy?”

Loki allows his head to turn to Signe where she is dancing with Bucky, before looking back at his husband, “I remember seeing the resemblance when I saw Peggy’s picture in your compass. I didn’t mention it then because I didn’t see any reason to. And later, well, there was no way to bring it up gracefully. ‘by the way Steve your ex girlfriend looks just like my friend, isn’t that interesting’. I did not intend to hide this from you. I only meant to spare you.”

Steve nods his understanding as he leans in close to whisper in his husbands ear, “just another thing you will need to reassure me about. I hope you are not tired. It may take all night.”

 

 


	4. Magic?- Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post some of the various reactions people have to Steve being able to use magic. The first one is a short one with Bucky just for fun.
> 
> Takes place at the beginning of chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

 

Chapter 4  Magic?- Bucky

 

Its been almost a week and Steve is itching to leave. Asgard is nice, but its not home and so he is packing up their stuff to head back to the cabin while Loki is spending some time with his mother. Steve is excited at the prospect of beginning his magic training with Loki and they are also going to start looking for a house in Brooklyn. 

They didn’t bring much with them, but are taking back extra clothes and several books and so Loki brought him a couple of very nice leather satchels, a gift from Thor. Steve smiles to himself as he carefully folds both of their sets of leather garments and places them in the first bag. Bucky wanders in through the open door as Steve pulls out the second bag for his books.

Bucky reaches over and snatches the top book off the stack that Steve is putting into his satchel. “What’re these?”

The blonde stops and turns to his friend, rolling his eyes. “Books Bucky. Haven’t you ever seen books before?”

“Sure I have, just never knew you could read.” He looks over the cover and opens it, thumbing through several pages. “And I certainly didn’t think you could read this. What language is this anyway?”

Steve grabs the book back and puts in the bag, “not sure. Loki is going to translate it for me.”

“Ah, so what is it? Some old Asgardian romance novel?’”

Now that the book is safely away from his friend, Steve gives him a shove. “No. They’re books on magic.”

“Magic huh. Like pulling rabbits out of your hat?” Bucky jokes as he jostles Steve’s arm. “Can Loki do that?”

Steve tries to look stern, but can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face, “I’m sure he could, but he is not a magician. He is a sorcerer. Or a mage I guess you could call him. There’s a difference.”

“And you want to read up on it because…….?”

Steve sighs, “ok, so don’t freak out. When Loki, did that thing, with the spell, to bring me back, I got half of his life, but I also got some of his magic.”

“Huh.” Is the only response Bucky gives. His face completely serious. He turns his back and walks a few steps away.

“Bucky?”

Pulling his worn baseball cap off his head, Bucky runs a hand through his hair. When he turns back he has a ridiculous grin on his face, as he holds the hat out, “so can _you_ pull a rabbit out of _my_ hat?”

Steve reaches and grabs the hat from his friends hand, “yeah let me try,” he laughs as he turns and dashes to the balcony and leaps over the railing to land on a large crate. Another leap takes him the final distance to the ground below.

Bucky gives chase and follows Steve down. The blonde keeps running until he reaches the training grounds, Bucky so close behind him that he crashes into Steve’s back when he skids to a stop. Both men topple over and begin wrestling on the ground. They pin each other and escape several times, trading blows until Steve finally gets the upper hand.

“Ahem,” a voice comes from behind causing them to freeze instantly. Steve has Bucky pinned with one arm around his waist, his other arm around his neck and both legs wrapped around him.

Knowing he is caught, Steve blushes and turns his head to face the owner of the voice, “hey Loki. How’s it going?”

“Oh, fine. The Queen asked me to come down here to check on a rumor of some juveniles jumping off balconies and playing around on the training grounds.” He keeps his expression blank as he stares down at the two friends. “You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”

Steve eases his grip on Bucky, allowing the man to roll away and stand up. He immediately walks the few steps to retrieve his hat, pulling it down on to his head. Getting to his own feet, Steve casually brushes some dirt off his pants, “nope, haven’t seen a thing.”

“I’m sure the Queen will be quite relieved to hear that. She did however mention that if I were to locate these juveniles that I should invite them to spar to work off any excess energy they may have and that if they desire to jump off of any more balconies, they should limit it to the south façade of the palace so as to not frighten the help.”

“If we see anything, we will definitely pass that valuable information along,” Bucky replies to the god. “Sparring sounds pretty good though, you up for it?”

Loki smiles, “of course. And I will even refrain from using magic.”

Bucky flashes a huge grin to Steve, who is still blushing from having been caught, “that’d be great.”

The men turn to walk further into the training grounds to have proper room to spar, “so before we start, Can I ask you something Loki?” Bucky asks.

“Of course.”

“Can you pull a rabbit out of your hat?”

 


	5. Getting Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing the next chapter of Cut One Off and this scene gets casually mentioned. I imagined what it would look like and so it had to be written.
> 
> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 5 Getting Caught

  

Bucky looks around the room and realizes he doesn't see Steve and Loki. Sam is ready to bring out Steve's cake before the fireworks start and so Bucky goes in search of his friends. When a quick check of the bathrooms and the bedrooms doesn't find them, he looks out on the street. Still not locating them, he goes back inside and heads up the stairwell to the roof deck.  
  
As soon as he has the door open a few inches, he hears it. A short gasp cut off by a moan. Silently, Bucky creeps out onto the roof listening for any other noises.  
  
There is a low chuckle "is this what you wanted for your birthday?"  
  
Steve's response is breathy and has a hint of steel in it, "you know it is."  
  
"You look so good down on your knees."  
  
Bucky's eyes widen when he realizes what's happening out on the roof of his apartment. For a moment he debates going back inside, but he just can't help himself so he inches forward again.  
  
"Steve.....that's so......uhn.... feels so good."  
  
Bucky is standing to the side of the roof access door. He knows another couple of steps is all it will take for him to be able to see around it. He isn't attracted to men, but he has to admit that he is curious and so he takes those steps. He isn't quite prepared for what he sees.  
  
Steve is indeed on his knees, one hand down the front of his jeans while his other hand is braced on Loki's hip. The gods head is thrown back and the look on his face is a cross between pleasure and pain while Steve works his mouth along his cock. He can see the blonde's cheeks hollow out as he sucks before pushing forward and taking Loki to the root. As he watches his friend’s throat work to swallow Loki down, he becomes aware of how his own pants are becoming uncomfortably tight.  
  
Right then Steve pulls off and grins up at his husband, lips swollen and red. Bucky's cock jumps at the sight. He tries to tell himself that what he is doing is wrong, that watching his friends is an invasion of privacy, but he cannot tear himself away as Steve moves forward again.  
  
Steve starts to moan around the cock in his mouth as the hand in his pants works faster.  
  
"Steve, I'm so close," the god gasps out.  
  
Steve pulls off for just a moment, "not yet. Not until I say you can.”  
  
Immediately he takes Loki in again. When he works his throat again and swallows the entire length, Loki's hips jerk forward. “You torture me.”

Steve only hums in response as he increases his pace and pushes Loki’s hips back with the hand not down his pants. Bucky is entranced by what he see’s; Steve on his knees, but in complete control of his husband.

“Please….” The god begs, which only causes Steve to pull off and stroke slowly along his length. When he can tell Loki is getting too close to the edge again, he moves his hand down to fondle the gods testicles. Loki groans at the denial, one hand clenching and unclenching at his side.

Pulling his hand away completely, Steve focuses solely on pleasuring himself, forcing the god to watch while he is left unattended.  

“I could……” Loki has to swallow to clear his voice, “I could help you with that. If only you would allow me.”

“Whose birthday is it again?” Steve asks, a tease in his voice.

“Yours.”

Steve grins, “that’s right.” He takes Loki all the way in to his mouth again. The god makes a sound like he has been punched in the gut and he comes with cry.  
  
Watching his closest friend swallow his husbands spend has Bucky rock hard. Steve pulls back, looks up into Loki's eyes and deliberately licks his lips. When the blonde closes his eyes as he comes in his pants, Bucky almost groans out loud. He holds it back, but when Steve stands up and pushes Loki against the wall, kissing him hard, he has to bite down on the side of his hand and back away towards the door.

He is just inside when he hears Steve, “its still my birthday, so when we get home I’m going to bend over that chair and you’re going to fuck me so hard the neighbors will hear me scream.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I occasionally have Steve using profanity. In my head I think he only vocalizes it when he is really worked up over something. Usually Loki.


	6. What Dreams May Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place way back when Steve was at Loki's cabin healing from his injuries after the attack on the helicarrier. Chapter 19 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 6 What Dreams May Come  

 

There is just a sliver of moonlight peeking out from behind the cloud cover. Just enough to cast shadows, malignant and dark, hiding the normally peaceful view outside the cabin window. The small clearing, its short grasses that sway and shimmer with the breeze in the day time, is now shrouded in inky blackness, punctuated with sickly gray twisted beams of light. The sound of scurrying claws skitter across rocks as nocturnal hunters seek their prey. 

Loki faces out the window, eyes seeing nothing, oblivious to the sounds of the land beyond the walls of his cabin. Steve shifts in his sleep, but Loki isn’t aware of that either. Nor is he aware when his lover rolls over and frowns at the empty spot in the bed, or when the blonde climbs out of bed and silently stands beside him at the window. Steve makes no move to touch him, says nothing to interrupt the gods thoughts and when Loki finally flicks his eyes over, he waits patiently.

“I apologize for waking you.”

“You didn’t,” Steve responds quietly, calmly, pushing down the urge to ask what Loki is doing staring blankly out the window in the middle of the night.

The sigh that escapes Loki’s mouth is almost inaudible, the quick inhale and exhale that follows, not nearly so. He reaches out and takes Steve’s hand, leading him back to the large bed. When Loki slides his ever graceful body back under the blankets, Steve doesn’t hesitate to follow him. It is when Loki turns and presses his back into the soldiers chest that he finally allows his concern to loosen his tongue, even as he snakes his arm around the gods chest and pulls him close.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Merely a dream. Nothing to worry about.”

Steve frowns and just hums his displeasure at the obvious lie.

“Answer me something, honestly….” Steve requests.

“Of course.”

“When I told you about the ice. About how I died. How cold it was,” Steve gives an unconscious shudder, “and how scared I was when the water……” He swallows audibly before pushing on, “when I could feel it filling my lungs, how much it hurt feeling my body start to freeze….. Did you think less of me for that?”

“Of course not,” the god says as he brings his hand up to rest on top of Steve’s own where it is pressed against his chest. The blonde waits, certain after several minutes, that Loki is not going to elaborate. He is about to prompt the god again when he starts to speak on his own.

“I dreamed about how we met. In Stuttgart. Only it was different. We fought and I was captured. I tried to kill Thor by dropping him off the helicarrier and then I used the tesseract to open a portal and brought the Chitauri army. It was…..there were so many dead. Most of New York laid to waste. All by my hand.”

Steve pulls Loki closer into his body, “but that didn’t happen. None of that happened. It was just a dream.”

“What if it wasn’t? It seemed so real. It was like I was watching it happen and I had no control over what I was doing.”

“Which is how you know it was a dream. None of that happened. You weren’t captured and you did not bring the Chitauri. This, me and you, laying here, in this bed. This is real. You have control over your actions.” When Loki doesn’t respond Steve falls silent.

“I was meant to bring the Chitauri here. What I dreamed, opening the portal, destroying New York. I was to be Midgards conqueror.”

“But you didn’t. It was just a nightmare.”

“How can you be so sure? What if this,“ he gestures with his free hand out towards the cabin’s interior, “is my dream?”

Steve gently pulls on Loki’s shoulder, urging the god to turn in his arms and face him. “I assume that your nightmare didn’t end with me in your bed, but here I am, because I choose to be. Just as you are here, because you choose to be. And if it is all just a dream, then its my dream too and I don’t want to wake up.”

“Steve…..” the god breathes as he closes the distance between their mouths. The blonde responds to the kiss, allowing Loki to find reassurance in his presence, in his gentle touches and loving caresses.

“Steve…..” Loki sighs as his hands roam over the warm golden flesh of his lover. The soldier allows the gods touches, body responding as they grow more insistent. The touches only stop long enough for Loki to raise up and grab the bottle of lube from the bedside table behind Steve’s shoulder. Handing the bottle to his lover, Loki lays on his back, planting his feet on the bed, knees apart.

Trying not to rush his movements, Steve coats his cock and his fingers before setting the bottle aside. He kisses Loki deeply as he begins to work him open. When he feels the god is ready, he positions himself between his legs and slowly slides in.

“Steve…..”

He takes his time, rocking his body gently against Loki’s. Drawing out almost completely and then gliding slowly back in on every thrust. Wide green eyes stare up at him with heartbreaking openness and Steve struggles to keep quiet, knowing now is not the time for declarations. And when his release comes moments after the gods, he says the only thing that he feels safe uttering, “Loki…….”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm behind on writing this week. I'm making a new cosplay, Voltron Paladin armor, and wanted to try it out at a small con this weekend for a test run. It worked out great, I'll make a few changes to my Hunk and my daughters Keith before working on Shiro for my husband and Lance for one of my daughters friends. Sadly we are without a Pidge. Maybe we'll find one at Wondercon next month. If you want to amuse yourself with pictures of it, they can be found on Tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/annerp and Instragram under user name bocnaco.


	7. This is Not Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place during Chapter 10 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 7    This is not love

 

 

“I think you’re compromised Steve." 

The Captain raises his hand to run it through his hair.  It comes away streaked with blood and he sits staring at it. “What do you want me to say? I didn’t expect this to happen. I’m not even sure when it did.”

“When what happened?” Natasha pushes.

 _Shit_.

He tries to fix his mistake, tries to pretend that he wasn’t admitting any feelings for the god, but he can tell she isn’t fooled. He almost feels guilty for the intense relief that comes when she doesn’t pursue the matter. He is most certainly not in love with Loki, but he knows he is telling himself a lie and so he doesn’t even try to tell it to Natasha.

Steve sits on the hard ground, he can feel himself slowly bleeding out and his head feels like it is going to split open so he turns his thoughts to the one person he wishes was with him, the one that has wormed his way into his heart and he tries to figure out just when it happened.

It started as amusement when Loki decided to cast illusions rather than answer Natasha and Fury’s questions during their initial attempts at interrogating him. But that wasn’t it.

When Loki called him Steve for the first time…. That was something. He remembers the way his belly clenched at hearing that one syllable slide from the gods lips. Not Rogers, or Captain, not punk like Bucky used to, not Cap or any of the endless nicknames Stark seemed to have for him. Just Steve. And oh how he liked it, the way it sounded, the way Loki’s lips parted slightly when he said it showing just a hint of the tip of his tongue. When he lays awake at night he imagines Loki using that tongue and uttering his name in so many different ways.

Maybe it started when Loki started talking to him, really talking to him. Hearing about his magic, the things he told him about other worlds, things Steve could only ever dream about. Or is it the genuine smiles, the ones he secretly hopes are only for him?

And when the god shows his vulnerability, his fears, Steve feels a tug of something, something meant for just the two of them to share in common. When Thor comes, he has hope that maybe Loki is starting to trust him, that maybe they are starting to form a bond, but is that really love?

Could it have been when he watched Loki sleeping in his bed for the first time back on the helicarrier? He knows he felt something as he stroked the gods hair, soothing him from his nightmares. He wants to tell himself it was only sympathy.

He smiles to himself when he thinks about Loki’s teasing, the smirk that plays at his lips when he has pushed Steve to the edge yet again. The smile slips from his face when he thinks about the way his skin tingles for hours whenever they touch. He tries not to focus on the way he lies awake at night and fantasizes about those long fingers touching him and making every inch of his skin tingle.

Steve knows something changed the day they sat together and the blonde opened up to him about the pressures of being Captain America. Loki seemed to understand his desire to have a life outside of The Avengers, to have a private life, with friends and family, to live beyond the impossibly large shadow cast by the shield.

He realizes it is all these things together that make him love the god, but as he thinks about it, he knows exactly the moment when it all came together and he truly fell completely in love with Loki.

_"I'm being sent out on a mission.  Probably be gone for a few days."_

_"and you are telling me this because....."_

_"I didn't want you to worry, I guess."_

_"I think you overestimate my fondness for you Captain."_

_"Fine, forget I said anything.  We'll pick up the questioning when I get back.”_

_"Steve, wait! Thank you. For letting me know.  Be safe."_

Steve’s stomach clenches pleasantly, the same way it did when Loki said those words only a few hours ago, just before he and Natasha left on this ill fated mission.

_“Be Safe.”_

Such a simple sentiment and yet it warms his heart knowing that someone is actually concerned for his safety, not as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers. And he loves Loki for that, is _in_ love with him.

 

And several days later, when he wakes up in the infirmary to see Loki asleep in the chair beside his bed, he harbors a secret hope that maybe, someday, Loki might love him in return.

 

 

 

 


	8. Valentines Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Loki surprise each other.  
> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

 

Chapter 8     Valentines Day

 

 

“Barnes, I require your assistance,” Loki says as soon as the soldier answers his phone.”

“What’s up?”

“These Midgardian holidays. I understand there is another one almost upon us.”

“You mean Valentines day?”

“Yes that one. I require your assistance,” the god repeats.

Bucky walks into his living room and flops down on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, “this ones pretty easy actually-“

“I know what Valentines day is about,” Loki interrupts. “I need help deciding what to do for Steve. I understand this to be the first one he will experience with a partner. I want to make it memorable for him.”

Bucky rolls his eyes at the shear cuteness of the idea of Steve and Loki celebrating Valentines day. “Well, you’re in luck, I happen to know exactly what Steve wants.”

“Do I want to know how you know that?”

With a chuckle, Bucky responds, “lonely teenage ramblings. You got a pen? You’re gonna wanna write this down.”

 

Two weeks later, Loki has everything in place to give Steve his dream Valentines day. He plans on executing his plan a few days early so he doesn’t inadvertently interfere with any plans Steve may have for the actual holiday. Bucky helps by getting Steve out of the house and keeps him busy so Loki can finish getting ready.

As soon as the god hears Steve’s motorcycle pull up outside, he opens the bottle of wine he picked out, pours two glasses, then turns on some soft jazz music. When Steve opens the front door, he pauses, a look of surprise on his face.

“Whats this?” he asks as Loki takes his keys from his hand, gives him a glass of wine and places a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I know it is early, but Happy Valentine’s day my love.”

Steve grins, immensely pleased that Loki thought to do this for him. “Happy Valentines day to you too.”

The god leads Steve to the dining room, pulling a chair out for the blonde to sit before retreating to the kitchen to bring in the meal he prepared especially for his love.

If Steve were not suspicious after eating his favorite meal by candle light, he would have definitely known of Bucky’s involvement when Loki leads him by the hand into their bed room. He recognizes the song that starts to play, the flowers in the vase on his bedside table (a mixture of roses and star gazer lilies, his favorite), the soft illumination provided by the dozens of candles across every available flat surface and when the god offers his hand to pull Steve close for a slow dance beside the bed, he knows exactly what Loki is doing.

As they sway to the music, Steve wraps one arm around the gods waist and lays his head on his shoulder, letting out a sigh of contentment. He remembers when he divulged this fantasy to Bucky after yet another disaster of a Valentines day double date. He knows it is a silly youthful fantasy and he absolutely adores Loki for making it real for him and he secretly wonders just how much Bucky told him.

When the song ends, Loki kisses his love softly on the lips before pulling away long enough to retrieve a velvet box, “I know it is traditional to give jewelry on this day, I hope you like this.”

Steve takes the box and opens it and can’t help the huge grin that lights up his face. Inside he finds 2 gold bracelets in a Figaro pattern, each with a plate set in the middle. He picks them up and reads his name engraved on one and Loki’s on the other. The god takes the one with his own name on it and holds it up.

“May I?” he asks gesturing to Steve’s wrist.

The blonde blushes and holds out his wrist, allowing Loki to fasten it on him. He takes a moment to admire how it looks against his skin, before placing the other bracelet on his lover, just as he used to fantasize about. While it wasn’t always bracelets, the desire to exchange tokens of some kind with someone has always been there and these match nicely with the simple gold bands that adorn their fingers.

In Steve’s head there is only one more element needed to complete his fantasy Valentines day and when Loki takes him by the hand and leads him to the bed, he knows it is about to come true.

 

 

 

Steve’s hands tremble slightly as he ties the ends of the silk scarf he is using to blind fold Loki. Once he is satisfied that the god cannot see, he moves to secure his wrists to the head board. Standing back he looks over the naked form of his husband, splayed out before him and struggles to pull in a breath at the shear beauty of the god.

His stomach squirms a little at the idea of what he is doing, hoping that Loki likes it. After Loki gave him such a wonderful Valentines day, Steve wanted to do something equally special for his husband, but when he asked Loki what he would like, the only response he got was ‘ _surprise me_.’

And so now he stands at the foot of their bed working up the nerve to follow through with his plans for the evening. When he notices Loki’s cock is already starting to harden in anticipation, he is spurred into action. Quietly he sheds his clothing and retrieves a box from under the bed, all while the god waits patiently, a small smile playing at his lips.

Steve pulls out the first item in the box and lightly draws the feather up Loki’s shin causing the god’s leg to twitch at the sensation and his smile to widen. _Okay_ , the blonde thinks to himself, _I can do this_.

 

 

Kneeling on the bed next to Loki’s hips, Steve sucks hard at the gods exposed neck while he works his cock with his hand. The gasps and moans coming from his husband are almost enough to make Steve come……again, but the blonde holds back, wanting Loki to come at least one more time before he finally gives in to his begging and rides him. And Steve knows it won’t be long by the sounds that Loki is making and the way his back arches off the bed.

Steve shifts down and wraps his lips around the head of Loki’s flushed erection and sucks, forcefully, causing the god to immediately cry out and spill within his husbands mouth.  He gives Loki a few moments to catch his breath before reaching back into the box once again.

 

 

Standing once again at the foot of the bed, Steve takes in the sight of Loki’s naked body. He is no longer blind folded and his wrists have been untied. As a matter of fact, Loki is curled up on his side sleeping peacefully. The image brings a smile to Steve’s face. He knows he won’t soon forget the way the god moaned and begged. The way he called Steve’s name. The way he became completely inarticulate when he came, cock pulsing deeply inside Steve’s body. And the way he professed his love when his speech finally returned as Steve was gently cleaning him up with a warm wash cloth.

Steve grins as he picks up the silk ties, feathers, body paints and other assorted items and stashes them away in the box under the bed before crawling into bed and curling his body around Loki’s. The god shifts slightly in his sleep, pressing his back in closer to the blondes chest. Placing a soft kiss on Loki’s neck, Steve whispers, “Happy Valentines day Loki.”

 

 


	9. Being Exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

 

Chapter 9  Being exposed

  

Natasha and Bucky are sitting on the couch in his apartment. Not quite cuddling together, but bodies touching as they sit too close to be classified as just friendly. The soldier isn’t sure what this is between them, but he is content to see where it goes. All he knows for sure is that he likes her. They have shared experiences and while the methods used to turn them into weapons may have differed, the results have made it difficult for either of them to relate to many people. Bucky feels comfortable in the knowledge that she will not judge him for the things he did under Hydra’s control, just as he would not judge her for her past deeds.

As she flips through the channels on the TV, Natasha pauses when a picture of Captain America appears on the screen. One of the investigative news stations will be airing a report on the Captain later that evening.

“Think I should tell Steve?” Bucky asks.

“He’s never really been into the propaganda, doubt he’ll be interested now.”

“But we can watch it right?” Bucky grins. “Give me some more ammunition to tease him with.”

 

At the appointed time, Natasha turns the channel so they can watch the show about Captain America. It doesn’t take long for them to realize this report has little to do with the war time propaganda that they expected.

 

When the hour long show is over, the pair sit in silence. After a few minutes, Natasha gets up to retrieve the bottle of vodka that Bucky keeps in the freezer. She grabs 2 tumblers and brings them and the vodka back into the living room where she pours them both a glass.

“Well shit,” Bucky finally says.

Natasha raises her glass to her lips and swallows a mouthful. “Exactly.”

“I’ll call Loki and see when we can come over, Steve needs to see this.”

 

Steve is sitting on the couch next to Loki while Natasha pulls up the program on the TV screen.

“So what is this you wanted me to see?” Steve asks, not quite able to control the trepidation in his voice.

When Bucky called and said he and Natasha were coming over so they could show him something, he expected maybe news about Hydra or even AIM. Not that they would want to watch TV.

“Just ….. just watch this,” Bucky says as the first image of Steve in his original Captain America appears on the screen, drawing a frown from the blonde.

“I’m not really interested in watching-“

“Steve….” Natasha cuts him off. “Just watch it.”

The blonde turns his attention back to the TV and settles against Loki’s side and prepares himself for the teasing he knows is going to come. Within the first minutes he realizes just how wrong he is.

 

_…Captain Rogers was presumed dead when he crashed into the sea during World War 2…._

_…An unauthorized release of government files, tied to the massive destruction of 3 helicarriers in Washington DC, indicates that Captain Rogers’ body was recovered and he actually survived being frozen for close to 70 years thanks to the experimental serum he was given……._

_…Review of these files indicates that Rogers took up the mantel of Captain America again, this time working for a clandestine black ops agency called Shield……_

_…It appears that the Captain played a significant role in the events surrounding those helicarriers and the damage that resulted…._

_…final death toll estimated to be in the hundreds…_

 

Loki can feel Steve stiffen against him.

 

_….was said to be the leader of the group of hero’s called the Avengers. In recent months the Avengers have been seen battling various villains, but Rogers has been conspicuously absent…_

_…Further review of Shield files point to the appearance of an alien being, known only as Loki shortly after Captain Rogers’ awakening…._

_…Said to have magical powers…._

_…Destroyed a Shield facility resulting in over 80 fatalities…._

Bucky steals a glance at the two men. Steve’s jaw is set, expression hard, while Loki’s expression is blank, giving away nothing of what he is feeling.

 

_…Several reports speculate on the exact nature of the relationship between Captain Rogers and the alien being....._

_….psychiatric reports point to Rogers being unstable, unpredictable and possibly dangerous…._

_…same reports refer to an inappropriate sexual relationship between Captain Rogers and the alien Loki…_

_…reached out to General Thaddeus Ross who had this to say…_

_…Steve Rogers is considered a fugitive…._

_…The United States government has officially stripped him of his rank…_

_...possible criminal charges for his part in the incident in Washington DC…_

_…believe he is harboring the alien Loki who is also wanted for questioning….._

_…these super powered vigilantes must be stopped…_

_...menace and dangerous to the American people…._

Steve gets up and walks out of the room while the program is still running. Bucky flinches when he slams the bedroom door.

“We should go,” Natasha offers as she stands and walks to the door.

She and Bucky depart, leaving Loki to finish watching the rest of the program alone. When it is over, the god takes a few breaths to calm himself before making his way down the hallway towards the master bedroom.

He opens the door and finds Steve sitting in the chair by the window, staring outside.

“Steve, love, do you want to talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about? The fact that they stripped me of my rank? That they’re blaming me for all the people who died on those helicarriers? Completely ignoring Hydra’s role in any of it?”

He stands from the chair and begins to stalk around the room. “Or should we talk about how I’m now a fugitive?”

Steve turns and focuses his attention on his husband, “I know, why don’t we talk about the fact that they provided a website so anyone can look over my therapists notes!”

Loki holds his ground and does not flinch away from Steve. “And what about the fact that you were just outted to the entire world,” he questions.

Dropping down to sit on the end of the bed, Steve responds quietly, “it wasn’t their secret to tell.”

The god sits beside his husband and takes his hand in his own. “No it wasn’t. And I’m sorry that it happened this way. I’m sorry for all of this, but none of this changes who you are. In fact, it changes very little as far as I am concerned.”

Steve shakes his head, “I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I’ve done, I just wasn’t prepared to have everything laid out like that.”

 

After 20 minutes, Loki leaves the house to pick up dinner. As soon as he is gone, Steve grabs his phone and makes a call. When it is answered, Steve says, “hey, you know how we were talking the other day about me giving up Cap?”

“Yes…” the voice is wary.

“Its time, I’m ready to walk away." 

“Look, I know what we talked about, but are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Yeah, Sam, it is. Its up to you now to carry on the legacy of Captain America.”

 

 

 


	10. Babies part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's random thoughts on the pregnancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place between chapters 8-16 of Cut one off. You will want to read those first.

Chapter 10   Babies part   1

 

 

“I did it for our children. These children. The ones you carry now. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you or them.”

_What?_

“And I’m sorry that I forced this on you, but what else could I have done?”

_Wait…_

“I couldn’t tell Odin to kill them and that was the only way to make you fully Aesir.”

_I don’t…..what?_

“I’m sorry.”

Loki says nothing as he watches Steve cry. He turns his magic inward and there he finds the truth of his husbands words. Two tiny lives, barely more than a spark, but definitely there. His hand immediately goes to his abdomen to rest protectively above them as he moves back to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I think I would like to be alone,” he whispers.

After Steve has gone, Loki sits on the edge of the bed and tries to keep his breathing slow and steady.

_That’s it, don’t panic. Everything’s fine. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…._

He rests his hand on his stomach again and sends a tendril of magic inward to brush along the 2 bundles of cells.

_How did this happen…… Don’t be stupid Loki. You know exactly how it happened. Damn Steve and his perfectness._

Getting up, he goes to stand in front of the mirror by the closet and takes a long look at himself. His anger starts to well up again as he thinks about his mixed up body. He was completely torn apart when he learned of his Jotun heritage, being in his Aesir body made it slightly more tolerable as he could at least pretend at being something else. Now even though to the outside world he still looks Aesir, he knows the truth of what he is inside. And he hates it.

_Damn you Steve for doing this to me! It wasn’t your decision to make! And now I’m the one stuck like this. I have to live like a freak. Damn it Steve!_

Loki uses his magic to change to his leathers and opens the way to Yggdrasil. He reappears on the training grounds and spends the next hour practicing with his blades.

“Loki, I was not aware you were back on Asgard.”

“Only briefly Sif,” the god answers without turning around.

“Ah well then, would you be interested in sparring before you go?” she asks as she steps closer. “There are none better than you with blades and I could use the practice.”

It only takes a moment for Loki to decide, “yes, I would like that,” he says as he turns to her, pleased with the thought of being able to work off some of his anger.

Sif offers one of her rare smiles, “I’ll meet you on the training field in 5 minutes?”

“Yes…..” _shit, probably shouldn’t be sparring_ …..”no….actually….. I will have to pass, Lady Sif. I just remembered, I have another engagement.” _Damn it Steve!_

 

 

He teleports back to his rooms, not wanting to see or speak to anyone else. Sitting down in his favorite chair by the window, he tries to read a book, but can’t get past more than the first few lines on the page.

_These children will be monsters too. Who knows what they’ll look like. Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll take after Steve……..not likely….. probably come out blue and squalling……and Steve will go on and on about how beautiful they are, because isn’t that just like him….. but he doesn’t know better….damn it Steve! And what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home and get fat while he is out fighting? Not bloody likely. I am the most powerful mage in the realms and I will not be left at home like some pregnant sow to produce offspring for that man!_

The more he thinks, the angrier he gets until he can no longer control his rage. With a roar he throws his book against the wall and rises from the chair. The urge to damage and destroy is overwhelming, but even in his anger, he is conscious not to turn it inward and so he directs it out at everything his eyes land upon.

_Why? Why did this have to happen? Why now? I’m not ready. Maybe later, in the future, but not now, not like this….._

 

 

“This book contains a spell that can reverse what has been done to you. With it, I can turn you Aesir and you will no longer be Jotun.”

_Truly? She can fix me? Please let this work. I can be normal. Stop being a monster……_

“What of the babies?”

“They will not survive.”

_Wait…_

“No! I can’t-“

“Yes you can Loki. You can undo this, rid yourself of the part of yourself that you hate.”

“I can’t!” _Killing them would make me a monster…..”_ I won’t kill these babies! Not just so I….” _Not just so I won’t be a monster anymore….. damn it…..Steve…._

 

“I am truly sorry for forcing this on you. I know that you…. Are not comfortable with your other form.”

_A master of understatement Rogers….._

_I hope you’re at least ready for this, because I’m certainly not….._

“Steve you’re going to be a father……”

 

 

_Look at him, standing there, smiling like a dope. Not bothered in the least that I’m laying here getting poked and prodded like a slab of meat. He gets the easy job, just stand there holding my hand while I have to put up with…. OW!  What the hell was that? Ok seriously….._

“I told you, I feel fine and I’m ready to go home.”

“We just need to make sure that you are well enough to travel.”

“I am well enough! It’s the bifrost, I’m not scaling a mountain while riding a goat!”

Loki turns to his husband who starts to snicker. “And you’re not helping Rogers.”

The blonde snaps his mouth shut, but can’t quite keep a straight face.

 

 

Watching Bucky envelope Steve in a hug and bounce him around when they tell him the news, amuses Loki endlessly. He reminds himself to let Steve tell Thor too and tries not to laugh at the idea of his brother doing the same thing to the blonde. 

He listens to the 2 soldiers talk about the magic suppressors. He is anxious to deal with them before the babies come, knowing he will be quite busy for some time.  Loki swings his head around from Bucky to look directly at Steve trying to make sure he heard right, “What do you mean, out of the field? Surely you don’t expect me to sit idly by like some maiden while you go out and put yourself at risk? Need I remind you that you are also vulnerable to those devices? And that I am stronger and faster than you even without my magic?”

_I knew it! I knew that he was going to pull this crap on me. Try to keep me home while he goes out on missions with Bucky. And what happens when he comes across one of those suppressors again and I’m not there to protect him? What is he thinking?_

“I know you are capable even without your magic, but I am not willing to risk the babies health.”

_What is that supposed to mean? That I would risk the babies?_

“I just want to keep you and the babies safe. And I know you can do that, but we don’t even know what to expect with this pregnancy. How it will affect you physically, or even how long it will last.”

“I should think the physical would be obvious, my stomach will swell to roughly the size of a beach ball, making my every move cumbersome and tiring.”

“Exactly my point!”

_Damn it…. Wipe that stupid smirk off your face Rogers._

 

 

The nights when they lay together and read are secretly Loki’s favorites in the early stages. He feels so close to his husband as they learn about the changes his body and their lives will undergo. And tonight he has something special to show Steve. When the god first noticed it in the shower, he felt a little disconcerted to actually see a physical manifestation of the pregnancy. He takes Steve’s hand and places it flat on his stomach and then glides it down over the tiny, but undeniably there bump.

_There’s that dopey grin again….. Steve….I love you……_

 

 

_Seriously? Why am I always so hungry? Won’t be able to go out on missions because I’ll be too fat…. I wonder if there is any of that stew left over?_

 

 

_Oh what the hell!_

Loki stands in the closet with a pile of clothes on the floor at his feet.

_How is it that nothing fits all of the sudden!_

“Steve!” He calls out to the bedroom.

The blonde takes his sweet time in responding and so Loki yells again, louder this time, “Steve!”

Poking his head around the door frame the blonde smiles, “you about ready to go?”

“Do I look ready to go?” he growls as throws his last pair of pants, hitting Steve in the face.

As the pants fall to the floor, Steve grins, “having issues?”

“You must have shrunk all my pants in the dryer, nothing fits!”

Steve chuckles, “I don’t think that’s the problem Loki.”

The god just glares at him which makes Steve laugh again. “Okay, since I must have ruined all your pants, why don’t you put on a pair of mine and we can go shopping real quick before heading to Asgard?”

                                               

 

“Hmmmmm….” _What was that?_  

“Are you ok? Do you need to move to get more comfortable?”

_Ugh, why are you so sweet….._

“No, I’m fine, just……oh….that’s…….interesting…….”  He places his hand on his belly and can feel it. Definite movement. The babies are making themselves known.

_Steve will love this….._

Loki takes Steve’s hand and places it over the spot where he felt the kick. It only takes a moment, “is that….is that the babies?”

The feeling of Steve’s large hands on his belly is comforting. Almost as though the soldier is embracing his entire family at once. When he hears the change in the blondes breathing, he starts to get worried. The deep inhales through the nose, followed by a long exhale from the mouth. The air blowing across the fabric of his shirt tells him that Steve is crying. Concerned he tries to twist around to look at his love.

“Oh Steve, love, what’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong. Everything’s perfect.”

_Yes, it really is._

Loki snuggles back closer into Steve and sighs contentedly.

 

 

 _Look at him… practically bouncing around, all excited._            

“They thrive. Your children are strong and healthy.”

The pleasure Loki feels about the health of the babies is almost overwhelmed by the concern over finishing the baby book.

_A boy and a girl? Look at that goofy grin on Steve’s face again. I bet he’s already making plans to paint the nursery. He’s going to be such a great dad. At least the kids will have one good parent….._

 

 

“Loki, have you given any thought to baby names?”

_Oh he makes it so easy some times…_

“Yes actually I made a list.” Loki reaches over and pulls the note pad out of the small drawer in the coffee table and hands it to Steve.

The blonde takes a moment to read it over, the crease that appears between his brows grows steadily larger until he is outright frowning.  “Loki? These names? Are they Asgardian or something?”

_Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh. Sell it. What was the worst one on the list again?_

“No, I just really liked them. I’m really leaning towards Derfla for a girl and Sloki for a boy. Like a combination of our names.”

“Well, they certainly are unique…..maybe we can think about some other options before making a final decision?”

_Oh Steve, too nice for your own good._

“I really have my heart set on these names. I put a lot of thought into this.”

The blonde keeps his mouth closed as he tries to think of a nice way to tell Loki that he hates every name on the list and these two names in particular without hurting the gods feelings.

_He’s thinking so hard, he’s gonna hurt himself…..  how long should I make him suffer? I don’t even know how he can think I would really want any of these names for our kids.  Look at him now……like I kicked his puppy._

Loki gives his best mischievous grin and can’t help the laugh that escapes at the look of sheer confusion on the blonds face.

_Guess I better get serious about picking names for real before Steve has an aneurism._

 

 


	11. Having a breakthrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Chapter 21 of Cut One Off.

Chapter 11

 

 

“Dr. Banner?”

Bruce lifts his head from the microscope he had been looking through. “Yes Jarvis?”

“Sir seems to be in some distress. He has locked himself in the screening room and is watching films of his father on repeat again.”

Bruce looks at the clock to confirm the time, just after 10am, which qualifies as either too late or too early for Tony to be awake.

“Thanks Jarvis. I'll go check on him.”

"Thank you Dr. Banner. I merely wish to avoid another incident like the one after Ms. Potts left. I have taken the precaution of locking down all of the suits and the garage level.”

Bruce grimaces when he recalls the state Tony was in when Pepper finally had enough and left him. It was not good. Tony’s drinking, already excessive, spiraled out of control and if not for his team of lawyers and PR department, he could have been facing some jail time for his behavior. The scientist just hopes he can keep Tony from imploding again.  
  
When Bruce reaches the screening room, Jarvis helpfully unlocks the door so he can enter. Bruce can see the flicker of the projector in the darkened room. The volume is turned off and so Tony's voice is the only sound. He steps in quietly so the billionaire doesn't hear him and listens to the constant ramblings coming from the man's mouth.

“Would you be proud Howard? If you saw what your greatest accomplishment has done with his life? I only ever wanted to be a fraction of the man he is. Just so you would be proud of me like you were of him.”

Bruce can hear Tony take a loud sip of his drink before continuing.

“He likes guys. Did you know that back then? He even married one.”

Bruce can hear the sound of Tony refilling his glass.

“Not just a guy though. An alien. An actual alien. A really hot one, but still. And this guy..... he’s a murderer. The great Captain America likes his killers. Did you know that too? His best friend, Bucky Barnes…” this is said with such venom that Bruce almost flinches back.

“And Loki....I hate him.... I want to hate him. For what he did when he came here. For all of those people. Steve chose them over me, over the team. And then Steve goes and tells me what was done to him. Not the details, but you know… and I still want to hate him. And now they are going to have these kids.” He pauses and Bruce has to assume he is taking another drink.

“I bet Steve will be a great dad. Not that you’d know anything about that, right Howard? Even Loki will probably do better than you did…. And now I'm helping them with these things that take away their magic. Magic! Did I tell you that? They have magic. But you and I both know it's just unexplained science. I just haven't figured it out yet. Another way I don’t live up to expectations, right Howard? And isn’t that what its all about, expectations……”

Another pause, another drink. Bruce frowns, but continues to listen, hoping to gain more insight into Tony’s head.

“Where was I?..... Magic. So I'm helping them. Working with the guy and he's not....I want to hate him. But now I'm working with him and it's hard. I think he loves Steve more than you did. Not the same way, but you know..... he really does seem to love him though.”

Another pause and Bruce can hear the clinking of glass against glass as Tony refills his drink again.

“And you know what? He's not that bad. I mean, he's an ass. But still..... and I want to hate him. But I can’t. And I don't know if you would be proud of me or disappointed again for that.”

Bruce startles when Tony's glass shatters against the wall, spurring him into action. He comes around the couch and looks down at the billionaire. His clothes are disheveled as he slouches on the couch, a days worth of stubble on his face, hair standing up in spikes.  


“Tony. It's time to go to bed.”

Looking up, Tony squints his eyes trying to make out the shadow standing silhouetted against the flickering lights of the projector.

“Howard?”

Bruce only hesitates for a heartbeat.  “Come on. Let's go,” he says as he pulls Tony to his feet.

“Am I making you proud? Even though I want to hate him?”

Bruce helps steady him and begins walking him towards the door, “Yes, Tony, you’re making me proud.”

 

It’s almost 8pm when Tony finally wakes up for more than a few seconds. He turns his head and the first thing he see’s is a glass of water and a couple of aspirin sitting on the bedside table. He can think of another clear liquid he would prefer to drink, but even as the thought crosses his mind, his stomach and head both rebel. He waits a few moments before pulling himself up to sitting and takes a long drink of the water and swallows the pills. It is only now that he notices Bruce, sitting in the chair by the window, a book held loosely in his hand.

“How bad was it,” he asks, not really wanting to hear how much he screwed up this time.

Putting the book down, Bruce responds, “actually not bad at all. No real damage, no media incidents and no one hurt.”

The relief that floods through Tony is intense as he thinks about just how terrible it could have been. Bruce shifts in his chair, “anything you want to talk about?”

Tony immediately opens his mouth to say no, but stops. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“You know I’m here to listen right?”

“Yeah, I do. And I think I may take you up on that. But first, I need to make a phone call. Do you have Loki’s number?”

Bruce pulls out his phone and pulls up Loki’s contact before tossing it to Tony who initiates a call before he can change his mind.

“Hello,” Loki answers.

Tony blows out the breath he had been holding, “Loki.”

The silence on the other end of the line is just long enough for Tony to question himself, but he plunges ahead anyway. “I wanted to tell you not to come to the tower tonight. Figured it would be faster this way than sending a message through Natasha. Why don’t you take the night off, get some rest. I want to finish up on extending the reach of the anti suppressors.”

There is an unspoken question in his voice when the god responds simply, “ok.”

“Any word from Steve?”

Loki furrows his brows together, confused by the conversation. “Not yet. I’m hoping it won’t be much longer.”

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon. Probably going crazy missing you and the kids.”

Loki pulls the phone away from his ear and looks at the screen. _What the hell?_

“Anyways, get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can figure out our next steps.”

“Thank you Tony.” Loki ends the call quickly before it can get any weirder, even if he is grateful for the much needed rest.

Tony tosses the phone back to Bruce, “do we have any bacon? Bacon sounds really good right now,” he asks a little too glibly.

“I’m sure we do. You stay here and I’ll go cook some.” He rises from the chair and walks to the door. Just before he exits, he turns back, “I’m proud of you Tony.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a minute to give my thoughts about Tony Stark.
> 
> I tend to write him as a complete ass most of the time, but here's why:
> 
> His drinking is well established and he uses it as a means to cover his emotions and avoid dealing with them. At heart he is extremely jealous of Steve Rogers. The legend he can never live up to in his mind. His father spent years searching for Steve always talking about how great he was. This set an expectation up in Tony's head that he could never live up to. He saw Howard as an absentee father to himself but utterly devoted to Steve. It was a complete rejection as far as he was concerned. 
> 
> So he chooses to enter into the world of weapons making. War is Captain America's realm, where he was lauded and celebrated and Tony strives to find a way to be better at it. He wants to make war cheaper, less personal, quicker, easier and ultimately more profitable. And he does it. Right up until he is captured and tortured and has to face his own mistakes and failures. Once again not living up to Steve. 
> 
> He even goes so far as to date someone, in Pepper Potts that represents many of Steves attributes. She is brave, loyal, kind, smart, a natural leader, great strategist and almost universally loved. But he can't keep that relationship together. He will never achieve the relationship and family that he craves and that he sees Steve having so easily(or so he feels).
> 
> And then there's Loki. A kindred spirit of sorts, whether Tony wants to admit it or not. Father issues, a feeling of neglect and being overshadowed by a stronger, better brother figure. Both have taken the wrong path to gain the attention they crave so desperately, but Tony feels like Loki has been forgiven easily and now has everything he wanted and can't seem to find for himself. 
> 
> He keeps saying he hates Loki, wants to hate him, but to do that would be admitting he hates himself. And so he asks if Howard is proud of him over and over and he tries to bring Steve and Loki down as a means to raise himself up. But it doesn't work. 
> 
> This chapter deals with him starting to realize that Loki and Steve are not the root of his issues. It is a deep seated need to feel valued. Not by the public or his company or the media, but by his peers, his friends, his "brother". Very much like Loki......


	12. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place immediately proceeding "To Change His Fate" Chapter 58 Epilogue -6 years and 2 months after day 1.

 

Chapter 12  Temptation

 

Steve doesn't react, the shock hits his system and he just freezes. For a few moments Stacy continues pressing her lips to the blondes. When she licks her tongue out and tries to push it into Steve’s mouth he wrinkles his nose and pulls back. His eyes are almost comically wide, confusion marring his features.

"What was that?" Steve stammers.

"A kiss. Don't you like me?" She leans in again tilting her head and closing her eyes, confident that Steve will respond. She knows she is attractive, her dark brown hair and olive skin highlight delicate cheek bones and plump lips. She is slim, but with abundant curves. Too bad all this is wasted on Steve, who jumps up from the couch in his hotel room where they had been looking over blueprints of the building his team will be infiltrating the next day.

"I'm married!"

"Yeah so? Didn’t stop you from inviting me up to your room and I don't see Loki here now."

Steve backs away, hands held out in front of him as Stacy leans forward, making sure her cleavage is on display.  Maybe another time, another place, he may have found her attractive, but not since Loki. The god has completely ruined him for anyone else and his lips curve up slightly at that thought.

"It doesn't matter if he's here or not. And we’re supposed to be looking over the plans for tomorrow, not….not…." he gestures at his mouth.

Stacy pouts at him, "don't you get lonely?"

And dammit he does. He gets so lonely when the god isn't able to accompany him on missions, but they both agreed that while the kids are still young, one of them should try to stay with them while the other is in the field.  It makes for some very lonely nights, except on those occasions when Betsy is able to stay overnight and Loki can slip away until morning.

"I think you should go," Steve points to the door.

"I could stay," she suggests. It's too soon to admit defeat. Steve Rogers is considered quite the prize among most of the women and quite a few of the men as well, all the more so for the way he seems oblivious to the flirting and suggestive comments directed his way when his husband is not around. Of course, they are foolish to think that behavior goes unnoticed by the god, who tolerates it to a point because he knows how sought after his husband is and he can't help but revel in the fact that he alone can garner Steve’s attention.  
  
The fact is, the soldier still has a hard time believing that others would find him attractive and certainly not enough to justify risking their position in the team to come on to him.

"If you go now, I'll forget this happened."

But she doesn't want to take no for an answer, so she stands and stalks towards him. "You seem tense, I can help ease your stress."

Steve rolls his eyes at the ridiculous line.

"Last chance. Out now,” he points to the door again.

When she makes no move towards the door, both of them jerk their heads around at the sound of Loki's voice as he opens the hotel room door.

"Impertinent child. Since you will not take his no for an answer, you will take mine."

Steve grins at seeing his husband, pleased that he was able to get away and come see him. And relieved at being rescued from this awkward situation.

Stacy's eyes widen, fear etched on her features at being caught.

Loki flashes a quick smile to his husband before asking, "how critical is she to this mission?”

Frowning, Steve glances down to the plans on the table, "fairly important."

"Show me," Loki instructs and Steve moves without question back to the table where he grabs the plans and quickly explains.

"Looks fairly straightforward. I think I'll let Barnes handle her."

Steve considers for just a moment before nodding, afraid to respond verbally and reveal the quiver of arousal at Loki's display of possessiveness.

Stacy looks between the men and freezes in place when Loki strides forward and grabs her arm. They disappear with only a gasp from her. Steve immediately retrieves his cell phone and dials Betsy's number.

"Hey Steve, Loki make it ok?"

"Yeah he did," he answers grinning. "Can you stay with the kids through tomorrow night? We've had a slight change of plans and Loki's going to come on the mission."

"Of course I can."

"Thanks Bets. How are they?"

"Good, sleeping, finally. They were all riled up earlier when we were working on illusions."

Steve smiles at the thought of the twins burgeoning abilities. "I bet. I can't wait to see what they've learned when we get back. Thanks again for staying with them."

"You're welcome Steve."

He ends the call, retrieves the small bottle of lube he keeps in his travel bag and begins to strip off his clothes. He has his shoes and socks off and is just pulling his shirt over his head when his phone buzzes. There is a picture message from Betsy showing the twins sleeping peacefully in their toddler beds. He smiles at the image, reminding himself to show it to the god later, then unbuttons and removes his pants. He takes a moment to palm his half hard cock through his boxers before removing those as well. Pulling the blanket back on the bed he lays down, closes his eyes and begins to lightly stroke along his length.

"I see you started without me," Loki chuckles from the foot of the bed.

The blonde doesn't open his eyes but the corner of his mouth quirks up. "Just wanted to be ready."

"Hmmmm, yes, I see that."

Steve can hear the amusement in the gods voice but doesn't stop the movement of his hand, knowing that Loki loves to watch him. He can feel the bed dip as Loki sits beside him. Goosebumps raise on his skin as the god runs a cool hand up his leg, resting it on the junction of thigh and hip, where he knows Steve is especially sensitive. Loki can see the shiver that runs through his husbands body at his touch and grins at the reaction.

He covers Steve’s hand with his own and allows his arm to be moved, following along with the rhythmic stroking. Twisting on the bed, he dips his head and mouths at the swollen tip of Steve’s length before pulling both their hands away and swallowing him whole. The sound that comes from the blondes mouth is positively obscene and has Loki's own cock rapidly hardening.

It doesn't take long before a slew of curses, intermixed with pleas and praise, starts coming from Steve’s lips. When he comes, he has to pull the pillow over his face to stifle his shout. Loki takes a moment to strip off his clothing while Steve's breathing slows and returns to normal.

"Turn over," Loki instructs.

Steve shifts to comply without question. As soon as he is in position, he feels Loki's hips press against the backs of his thighs. The gods cock nestles between the cleft of his ass as Loki shifts his hips up and back. Furrowing his brow, Steve tries to relax. They have done this before, without preparation, but even with his enhanced healing it still hurts. He is surprised when Loki pulls back and even more shocked when he feels the gods tongue glide across his tight opening.

"Oh god...." he moans at the sensation. The first time Loki had done this to him, he came almost immediately at the first touch, now he has better control but the feeling still threatens to overwhelm him.

Placing a hand on Steve's lower back, Loki tries to keep the blonde still as he points his tongue and pushes it in his hole. Steve lowers his head down to rest on his arms and closes his eyes, giving himself over to his husbands attentions. Behind him, Loki uses his tongue to loosen Steve’s tight entrance , enjoying the small twitches and shifts of his husbands body that telegraph the pleasure the god is giving him.

Loki pulls back and kisses up Steve’s back until he reaches the blondes neck. He lightly bites Steve’s right shoulder and then sucks until he raises a purple bruise. “How do you want it?” he purrs in the soldiers ear.

“I want it however you want to give it to me,” Steve growls.

“Good answer,” Loki responds as he grabs the lube from the nightstand and quickly coats his cock. He pushes two fingers in Steve’s hole, causing him to gasp. After spending a few more minutes ensuring Steve is ready, Loki lines himself up and pushes in with one thrust. And then he stops. He holds still, a hand placed on Steve’s lower back, the urge to move almost overwhelming.

Steve rolls his hips, grinding back to gain friction. “Loki please.”

Finally the god begins to move, setting a fast, hard pace. “Is this what you wanted?”

Unable to respond, Steve just nods his head and that is enough for the god.

 

When they both collapse on the bed, in a heap of sweat slicked skin, Steve pulls Loki close until the god is laying partially on top of him, head resting on the blondes chest. Steve idly begins to stroke his fingers up and down Loki’s spine. “We should probably take a shower.”

“Yes probably.”

Neither man moves, both content to stay like this for a little while longer.

“I’m sorry for earlier.”

Loki moves his head so he can look at Steve’s face. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault everyone finds you irresistible,” the god jokes.

“I’m being serious Loki. It shouldn’t have happened. It was stupid of me to be alone in here with her.”

“Naive maybe, but Barnes will handle it. She’ll pull the crappy duties for awhile and I’ll go ahead and make sure everyone knows not to touch what’s mine.” Loki pulls back and looks directly into Steve’s eyes. “And make no mistake, you are mine.”

“Always and forever and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 


	13. Babies Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 of Loki's thoughts during the pregnancy. This takes place between Chapters 17- 32 of "Cut One Off." You will want to read those first.

 

Chapter 13 Babies Part 2

 

Standing in the doorway, Loki looks at Tony Stark and has a decision to make, does he simply shut the door in Starks face and risk losing his help on counter acting the magic suppressors, or does he bite back his dislike of the man and play nice. And it is not an easy decision to make, until he feels a slight kick on his left side where his daughter is nestled.

 _All right! Calm down._ He sends a wave of soothing magic to both children and pulls the door open to allow Stark in the home. _The things I do for you two._ He thinks affectionately as he opens the door for Stark to come in.

_Steve, hurry up….._

He watches the delivery truck pull up out side and grimaces. _Damn_.

  


When Loki comes back down the hall after showing the delivery driver where to put the furniture, he finds Tony standing in the kitchen holding one of his daggers in his hands, examining it closely.

“Do not touch those,” Loki warns as he plucks his blade from Tony’s hand. _Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist just running him through with this? But I won’t. Because your father wouldn’t like it…..And I suppose he does have his uses no matter how irritating he is. Thinks he’s so clever. Like I wouldn’t be able to tell he brought one of those devices in with him. It’s working, so I guess that deserves some credit. Oh! There’s your father now!_

  


“Something you boys want to share with the class?” 

“No.” 

“You sure about that? Because I’m fairly certain I just watched someone deliver 2 cribs.”

 _This should be worth a laugh._ He pulls out of Steve’s embrace and removes the glamour revealing his swollen abdomen.

“Holy shit.”

_Ha! The look on his face! Totally worth it._

__

__

_Ow! What was that for? No need to kick. I’m just having a little fun._

“Jesus Steve! You let him go on missions and fight like this?”

 _Now hold on! First Steve and now Stark. I am perfectly capable of making decisions about my own body_.

The god is getting tired of everyone thinking they know what is best for him and his own body. He would never do anything that he thought would put the children in danger.

_…..listen to them bicker. Sounds like me and your uncle Thor….. you’ll love your uncle. Like a big goofy kid….._

“No harm no……. do you know what you could have done! It was one of those suppressors that caused this situation in the first place!”

_Situation? What?..... I don’t……. I….Does Steve not want this? Is he having doubts?_

Loki heads down the hallway and into the nursery where he stares at the boxes, trying to control his breathing. And then he opens one of the boxes and looks over the instructions just for something to do. He settles on the floor and starts pulling pieces out, using the distraction to calm his thoughts. Even with that he is still not ready to talk to Steve yet. The hurt and anger just a little too close to the surface. And when the inevitable knock comes on the door, he isn’t sure if he should be more upset or grateful that its Stark standing there instead of Steve. But still……

“Stark, I’d really rather not talk right now.”

“I think we may consider calling a truce.”

_How the hell does this stupid table go together? I mean its pretty, but why are there so many pieces?_

“Loki, you’re making me be the bigger man here……”

_Oh no….. you don’t get to stand there and act like you’re innocent. I haven’t forgotten what you did to me and Steve. Gutting him with my daggers is sounding more and more appealing……._

“…..if you ever do anything to harm me or my family again, I will kill you. Without a second thought and without any regrets and I will smile as I take one of those lovely blades, that Steve gave me, and gut you like a fish before strangling you with your own entrails.”

_The look on his face….again, totally worth it……_

_Alright, back to this table…. Do you really need this? Because I’m not so sure….._

_….. Where’s that stupid screw driver…… how the hell did it get way over there?_

 

“…..'situation'… what’s that supposed to mean? Like this was some king of accident. Well you’re not an accident. So don’t think that.”

And naturally that’s when Steve comes in the room. When Loki is sitting on the floor surrounded by table parts and talking to himself…...

“I never meant to make you think I didn’t want this. I do want this, these children, with you. They were not an accident. They were a surprise…,”

 _Steve….. I don’t know if I can do this….. I’m scared….._

  


“You must have finished the book then?....... have you chosen a location for the birth?”

“The birth will take place at our home on Midgard following Jotun customs.”

“I am not comfortable with this. What if something goes wrong?”

_My thoughts exactly. What if they are born Jotun? Will the healers kill them right away? Would I even try to stop them…… They will be born at home and then….. then we can figure out what we are going to do……. Just please…. Please don’t let them be like me…._

 

Loki gawks out the car window up at Tony Starks ugly tower. _Clearly over compensating for something….._

_……ah, so that’s the infamous Jarvis…. lovely accent….wonder if its based on a specific person._

 

“You want to test these devices on the students? I’m afraid I cannot agree to allowing you to experiment on them,” Charles Xavier says. 

_Still trying to get a look into my mind old man? Keep trying and you won’t like what you find._

“Your children will be very powerful. Their minds are quite active. Even now, with you blocking me, I can feel them reaching out.”

“Yes, they are quite anxious to born.” _You will be powerful. I can feel it. You will be leaders. But not yet. Be patient little ones._

 

“Hey Loki. I, uh, just got back. Not sure where you are. Hope you and the babies are okay. Please call me as soon as you get this. I love you.”

 _Do you hear that little ones? Your father is back._

Loki stands in the doorway to their bedroom watching Steve sleep. He notices the facial hair that has grown in, the way his hair is longer, covering the tops of his ears and the nape of neck. The blonde shifts on the bed and the blanket slides off his leg revealing the very edge of Steve’s blue boxer shorts, causing a pulse of want between Loki’s legs. When Steve jerks awake and his eyes zero in on the god, the pulse turns into a throb.

“Loki…..”

 

Laying in bed, Loki enjoys the feeling of warmth from Steve’s chest pressed against his back. The weight of his hand across the gods swollen abdomen is a source of comfort that he has sorely missed while Steve was away. And the children, he can tell that they have missed him as well. 

“How long have you been awake?”

“Since your children woke and started moving around.”

“You two settle down in there,” Steve teases which immediately earns the god a kick in the side. 

_Ok, that’s enough. I know you missed him, but….OW…_

“Now you have to get them to relax and maybe go back to sleep.”

“and how am I supposed to do that?”

 _……..Steve…….I’ve missed you…..yes…..thats……good…..so good…_ “I love you.”

_Rest now little ones. Let me sleep just for a little longer…._

 

“you will find out soon anyway.” Loki watches Betsy’s eyed widen for just a moment. He has to give her credit, her reaction was very subdued. 

_……was she really going to call me huge? I mean, I am, but still…. That’s hurtful….._

There is something endearing about the way Betsy leans in and speaks to his daughter. He wonders briefly if she is aware of which baby she is speaking to. “I think she likes you.”

_I kind of do too. I’ll have to talk to Steve about that. Having another magic user around to help could prove useful._

 

_Its just reconnaissance. I am stronger than this. I should be able to keep up. How am I supposed to help if I can’t fight or even keep up….. I can’t do this….._

“The glamour, take it off.”

For just a moment, Loki considers taking it all off and letting Steve see just how tired he really is, but the god doesn’t want to add to his husbands worry. And so he waves a hand to reveal his belly, heavy with their unborn children. Steve is immediately there, touching and caressing, always so concerned, so loving.

“How do you feel? Are you tired?”

He does his best to smile, but he can feel the falseness of it. “They are restless,” he tells Steve as he places the blondes hand on his abdomen.

_Look at me, unable to even get comfortable on the bed by myself…. I have become a liability to him….. in so many ways….._

“I don’t think I can go with you to get Marcus out.”

“Is something wrong. Is it the babies?"

_……yes there is something wrong…… with me, not them…..I have let you down…..failed you…._

He can feel the babies as they start to shift and kick again. _Calm little ones……please…..not yet…..its not time……just a little longer…_

“I know this has to be so hard on you. And you’ve been doing this all alone, but I promise you, I’m going to do everything I can to be a good husband and father.”

_…..Steve….. you already are. Without you I would not have made it this far. I hate that I am so weak…. That you think I am better than I am._

The god removes the last of his glamour and allows Steve to see the dark circles under his eyes and the gaunt look of his face. 

_I am weak…… my body is failing…… I hurt….. I can’t even take care of the babies now, how could I ever think I would be able to after they are born.They are so anxious to be born, to be away from me….. from what I am…. And what if….. what if they are monsters too…..they can be fixed. Odin will do it. He has to if these children are to stand any chance._

“Promise me that if they come out Jotun, you will take them to the All Father so he can fix them.”

“Loki…… I can’t promise you that…..”

_Please…….. Steve……_

 

Loki reclines back against Steve’s chest while the blonde runs his hands over the gods stomach. He talks softly, soothingly and Loki can feel the babies settling. The gentle rocking of their lovemaking helps, but even that is not always enough now. And Steve can tell, so he holds Loki and does what he can to help so the god can rest. And even though Loki knows Steve has better things to do than to coddle him, he selfishly stays there, his mind screaming that he is weak for doing it.

 

“I’m not going with Bucky and Natasha,” Steve tells Loki as they lay in bed.

“Why? You need to be there!”

“No, I need to be here. You and the babies are more important.”

_No…..I am not……. I failed you again…..taking you away from your responsibilities….._

 

The babies have been unusually quiet all morning, allowing Loki to get some needed rest. But Loki can feel it, as soon as it happens. A shift and something is wrong. He starts to send his magic inward, but doesn’t have to as a wave of panic and pain overtakes him. 

_What’s wrong?..... show me……_

He can’t get a clear sense. Only the overwhelming feeling of panic from his daughter and a wave of pain from his son.

_No,no,no,no…..Steve….._

Loki gets up from the bed and moves towards the door, needing to find Steve. He staggers and bumps into the dresser as a he feels his chest tighten, followed by a sharp pain that drops him to the ground. He tries to yell out, but he can’t get enough air into his lungs. 

_I can’t breathe…..can’t breathe….._

Even though Loki has never attempted it, has never tested their bond in this way and has vowed never to be in someone else’s mind again, he uses his magic to call out, hoping it will work. _Steve……please……_

The bedroom door bursts open and the blonde is there. 

“Steve…. Somethings wrong.”

Steve wastes no time, picking Loki up from the floor and placing him on the bed, before grabbing the blades and kit from the bathroom.

The relief at seeing Steve is instant. _He’s here….. he's here….. it’ll be ok…. Hold on…._ The god focuses his energy and sends everything he can towards his ailing child. 

“Loki can you help me? With the spell.”

“There isn’t time, Just do it. Get them out.”

“But….”

“Now Steve. He’s dying. Do it now.”

The first cut hurts. More than he expected and Loki closes his eyes, trying not to let it distract him. The glide of the blade through his flesh is worse and he cannot hold back the moan that comes out. The feeling of intrusion as Steve reaches in is enough to cause a wave of nausea, but Loki fights it down. 

“Get him out Steve.”

“Loki take him. He’s not breathing. I have to get her out.”

Taking the bundle in his arms, Loki lets out a whimper, too scared to look at his son. With a deep breath, Loki opens his eyes and lets out a sob. _Jotun……. He’s Jotun……_

His decision comes quickly, this is their child, and he rests his forehead against his sons chest, speaking an incantation. He can hear his daughters cry as Steve tries to soothe her and a quick glance up confirms his fears when he sees her blue skin as well.

“Loki?”

“Loki please…. What’s happening?”

 _…..there……breathe……breathe little one……breathe……like this….._ Loki sucks in a breath and lets it out in a gasp as his son lets out a wail. The god watches as the blue fades from his skin and the Jotun markings disappear. _What?……._

Loki stares at his son as he cries, torn between fascination and horror. He tries to soothe him with his magic, but even though the child’s crying quiets, there is no other reaction, nothing else to indicate that he can sense Loki’s magic at all. The god frowns as he tries to reach out to his daughter with the same frustrating result and even though he is relieved to see her skin is no longer blue as well, he can’t help but feel a sense of immense loss.

“Whats wrong?”

“I can’t feel them. Not like I could before…… it is disconcerting. They are here and I am grateful. And yet….. it is as though I have lost something. I am sorry. It is incredibly selfish of me-"

 

“Look at them Loki, they’re perfect.”

_Are they?_

While Steve is out making bottles, Loki is left alone with his children. 

“It is hard. Not to love you. You are only part Jotun. Unlike me… you….” He trails off, as he realizes just what he was about to say. ‘You will not be monsters.’ His children are not monsters. Steve is right, they are perfect and they are of him…….

 

“…...you must go. They will need your help.” 

“I can’t go! I can’t leave you now. And I wouldn’t even know where to start looking even if it was an option.” 

“Is there someone else? Someone you trust to go in your stead?”

“That’s just it. Other than you and Bucky….” _Damn….. okay….. okay…_

“I could go. It will be simpler for me to travel.” 

“No! No way.”

And even though Loki bristles at Steve, he knows the blonde is right. He physically cannot do it. He can already feel his body flagging.

 

Frigga sits on the bed next to her son, pride welling in her chest as she looks at her beautiful grand children. “You did well Loki.”

“Thank you mother.”

“Do you believe me now? When you held them? You fell in love instantly didn’t you?”

“Yes. You were right.” He smiles down at the twins, offering his fingers to his son to grab on to.

“Loki, Bucky needs help. I could not get to him and Steve will not be able to get in alone.”

Loki reluctantly nods his understanding. “I should be going with him, but I need more time. To rest, to heal”

“I know this is terrible. It is unfair and unreasonable. You should be together, with these little ones. But there is an option, if you were to go.”

 

He watches Steve set the chair down and hands the children to his mother to hold, which she does with practiced ease. As Frigga tells Steve about Bucky, Loki watches his husband become more and more agitated. Watches him pace the floor turning options over in his head, rejecting each one in turn. And he makes up his mind. 

“Mother, are you hale?”

As he touches his mothers cheek, he can feel her energy pouring in to him along with images. A gray behemoth of a building jutting out of the water that surrounds it. On the deck, a jet, two helicopters, their way off the Raft.

 

“We should split up. I’ll head for the other prisoners while you look for Bucky.” _It will be faster this way……_

As he works his way through the facility, Loki shows no mercy. Soldiers fall to his blades and he does not feel a bit of remorse. He shouldn’t be here. He should be home with his husband and children…..

_Ross, I will tear him limb from limb._

 

Back tracking through the halls, Loki follows the path Steve took. Dropping down the elevator shaft to land on the top of the elevator jars his body when he is unable to pull on his magic in time to cushion his landing. He can feel something give at his incision site.

_Marcus._

“Steve! Don’t do this.” He knows the blonde will not forgive himself for killing Marcus in anger, even if he deserves it and so much more. 

He is careful when he slits Marcus’ throat. Careful to make sure the cut is deep enough to be fatal, but shallow enough to ensure there is enough time for the mutant to suffer. When the last of Frigga’s borrowed magic is depleted, Loki collapses in a chair.

 

The god wakes briefly. His throat is dry and his body aches, but his bed, this is his bed, in his home. Beside the bed he finds a glass of water on the side table, which he grabs and drinks from greedily. 

Even that small action exhausts him, but before he drifts off to sleep again, he see’s something that brings a smile to his face, Steve gently moving his foot to rock the chair next to the bed, as Frigga had done, with Eiren and Eirik in his arms.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always thought that Loki has a very active inner monologue. His thoughts are always moving, jumping around. And the pregnancy only makes it worse as he constantly shifts between excitement and fear with a little self loathing thrown in for good measure.
> 
> Chapter 33 of "Cut One Off" will detail how they get off the raft.


	14. It Is Envy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Chapter 34 of Cut One Off.

Chapter 14 It Is Envy

 

Ditching the helicopter in the ravine didn’t take long. The hike to get back out was not very challenging and the soldier made good time. It is still light when he walks up to his building. The façade is simple, brick, boring. It is underwhelming.

Bucky opens the door to his apartment and looks around at the space. He looks over the basic brown leather couch, flanked on either end by wooden side tables. In front is a matching coffee table. There is a TV on a stand directly across, but little else. There is nothing to indicate that anyone actively lives there other than the single jacket hung on the coat hook by the door. It is quiet.

Shutting the door behind himself, Bucky sighs and walks into the kitchen, noting the counter tops, devoid of any small appliances. There are no utensils hanging artfully on the wall and no cute or funny magnets stuck to the front of the refrigerator. There is nothing. He opens the cabinet and looks at the set of four clear glasses lined up neatly on the shelf next to the four plates and four bowls that make up the expanse of his  dishes. It is sad. 

Bucky closes the cabinet and walks down the hall towards his bedroom, hand trailing along the plain white wall. There are no pictures hung up. No artwork. No treasured family photos. It is empty. 

In his bedroom, he strips off his clothes, placing them in the empty laundry hamper in the bathroom before stepping into the shower. He spends exactly three minutes and forty five seconds scrubbing his body before getting out and drying off. It is mechanical.

Once dressed again, Bucky wanders back into the living room. He knows he is supposed to go back to Steve’s and see the babies, but he stops and turns back to the kitchen where he grabs a beer out of the refrigerator before sitting down on that plain brown leather couch. He sits and he drinks his beer and when it is gone, he gets up and gets another until there are 10 bottles lined up neatly in a row on the coffee table. And Bucky knows, it is pathetic.

He isn’t sure how much time passes as he sits and flips through channels on the television before finally settling on a baseball game. When the game is over he finds something else to watch, a documentary. It is distracting. 

It is well past midnight when he finally throws away the empty beer bottles and decides to go to bed. He stands at the foot of the bed and looks at the two pillows sitting side by side, as though two people share this bed. Bucky knows that isn’t true and even when there is another body with him, he knows they will not stay. It is lonely.

Bucky lays, staring up at the ceiling, willing his mind to stop thinking. He does not want to think about his best friend and the life he has built for himself. He does not want to think about blonde haired children running around, smiles on their little faces. He does not want to think about Steve rocking one of his children to sleep while Loki feeds the other. And he does not want to think about Steve and Loki growing old together, watching their family expand and grow. It is selfish.

 

“Barnes!”

The soldier jolts awake and is on his feet in an instant, hands held defensively in front of him as his eyes search for his attacker. It is ingrained.

His body only relaxes slightly when he see’s Natasha leaning against the door frame to his room, face drawn and slightly pale, but otherwise looking healthy. It is a relief. 

“Where have you been? Steve said you were coming over to see the kids.”

“Here.” What else can he say. “I was really exhausted and fell asleep.” It is a lie.

“Well you need to go meet your niece and nephew.” 

She doesn’t stay long after that, leaving Bucky by himself once again. As he gets up and dresses he can’t deny just how quiet and empty his apartment feels. It is depressing.

 

Frigga opens the door and greets Bucky warmly with a hug. She directs him down the hallway when he asks where Steve is. The door to the nursery is slightly ajar and so he pushes it open and peeks inside. He finds Steve sitting in a rocking chair, holding a bundled up baby in his arms. He is murmuring softly to the child as he rocks back and forth. He looks up and smiles as he brings a finger to his lips in a shushing motion. Steve points over to the crib and Bucky steps closer to look at the baby wrapped in a blue blanket sleeping peacefully. Bucky looks back over at his best friend and watches the way the new father gazes at his daughter. Steve looks so happy, so completely in love and it is beautiful.

He can feel his heart clench. He knows he should be happy and excited for his friend. But that’s not what Bucky feels. Instead he feels something that makes him vaguely nauseous. Something that makes him disappointed in himself. Something that makes him want to go back home to his empty, lonely, sad apartment and not have to look at Steve anymore. It is envy.

 

 

 


	15. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place between chapters 35 and 36 of Cut One Off.

Chapter 15 Heatbreak

 

Bucky has been staring at the phone on the coffee table for an hour, not quite able to bring himself to pick it up. This is stupid, he’s a grown man, close to 100 years old. He snatches the phone off the table and hits send on the message that has been sitting on the screen while he sat and debated with himself over sending it.

_Can you come by? I think we should talk_

Already Bucky regrets sending the text. Natasha was injured and he is asking her to come to his apartment? And when he thinks about it, he is even more bothered by the fact that after all this time, he still doesn’t know exactly where she lives. 

_Sounds ominous. Whats up_

_Can you come by?_ He really doesn’t want to do this over the phone

_Sure. An hour_

He puts the phone down and rubs his hand over his face. An hour. He has an hour to think about what he’s going to say. That’s plenty of time. Its not like he doesn’t know how to talk to a woman. He’s close to 100 years old for gods sake.

Except, he’s close to 100 years old and has no idea how to talk to _this_ woman. And how did that hour go by so fast?

He can feel his stomach twist when he opens the door and lets Natasha in.

“So whats up?” she asks as soon as the door is closed behind her. 

“Uh…..nothing really…” he begins, before trailing off with one hand at the back of his neck. 

“So you asked me over here to talk, but you don’t have anything to talk about?” 

She stares at him, waiting for a reply. When none is forthcoming she gives up and asks, “did you stop by and see the twins?”

“Yeah. For a minute. Steve looked pretty busy so I didn’t stick around.”

Natasha just hums in response and waits to see if the soldier has anything else to add. When it doesn’t seem like Bucky has anything else to say, she prompts him, “what did you think? They’re pretty cute, as far as babies go. But with Steve and Loki as their parents you have to expect the kids to be good looking.”

Bucky just shrugs noncommittally, but doesn’t respond other than that. So Natasha decides to try a more straight forward approach. 

“What do you want Barnes? Did you call me over here for sex? Because this isn’t the way to get into a girls pants. And to be perfectly honest, I’m still not feeling my best.”

“No. That wasn’t…… I mean, I’m not”

“Don’t hurt your self thinking too hard.” Its meant to be a tease, but comes out just a little harsher than she intended. 

Bucky makes a face, like he just tasted something bad. “Can we sit?” He gestures feebly towards the couch.

Natasha nods and moves to sit down, her expression blank and unreadable.

“So I’ve been thinking. A lot. About Steve and Loki and their kids. When I was younger, I figured if I didn’t die in the war, I’d come home and settle down with a nice girl, have a couple kids, white picket fence, the whole thing.” He fidgets uncomfortably in his seat, wringing his hands, eyes glued to his lap, as he continues. “And then I did die and all that went out the window.”

A little ball of nerves is forming in Natasha’s gut as she listens, but she keeps her expression neutral.

"And then here’s Steve. And he died too, but now….. now he’s married. To a prince, from space!” Bucky chuckles humorously. “And they’ve got these babies… he’s living this life… And I just figure if he can have all that, then maybe I can too.” 

He finally looks up at her and his expression is so earnest it’s almost painful. Natasha is trying to process everything he has said and the longer she sits in silence, the more Bucky’s face starts to fall.

Finally she pulls in a breath, “so you’re saying you want to find someone to settle down with?” Even though she knew this thing between them was never meant to be serious, it still hurts to know its going to end. “I mean, that’s good,” she carefully measures her words, trying to find a balance between encouraging him to go after what he wants and….. what?....hoping things can go back to where they were before this conversation started?

Bucky sits forward in his chair, “no. I don’t want to find someone else. I thought maybe you and I…. what we have is good, but we could be more. For each other. Like Steve and Loki are.”

“Like Steve and Loki,” she echoes. This is so much worse. 

“Well, not exactly like Steve and Loki,” he adds with a leer, hoping to break some of the tension that has mounted in the room.

She purses her lips as her eyes shift around the room. 

The longer she sits there, the larger the knot in Bucky’s stomach grows. “Well, whatdaya think?”

When she focuses back on him, the corners of her mouth turn down and her eyes narrow at the corners. And Bucky knows what she is going to say before she even opens her mouth. 

“Bucky-“

“Hey,” he cuts her off, “its ok. I get it. I know I’m not much of a prize these days.” He gives a small smile and tries to sound self depreciating, hoping to make her rejection of him a little easier. He’s not sure who he’s trying to make it easier on though. Maybe on both of them.

“No. Its not….its not you. What you’re looking for, I’m not that person. I can’t do the white picket fence, the kids, any of that.”

“But you could. If you wanted. Isn’t that what you do? You’re a spy. You become who you need to be.” Bucky can hear the desperation creeping into his voice and he knows he needs to shut up before this gets any worse. As if it could.

“But none of that is me.” Her expression hardens. She knows what she has to do, even if she doesn’t want to. “Are you in love with me?”

Bucky doesn’t immediately respond and that just confirms what she already knows. What they both already know. “And I’m not in love with you. That means we can never be like Steve and Loki. And if that’s what you want, then you need to find someone that you can love and that can love you in return. Someone who can give you those kids and that white picket fence. But that isn’t me.”

He was wrong. It did get worse. He watches as she heads to the door, “I’m sorry, Bucky. But you deserve more than what I can give you.” And she leaves. And Bucky is still sitting on his couch, wondering what the hell just happened.

 

 

 


	16. Just the three of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during chapter 39 of Cut One Off

 

 

Chapter 16

 

“Did she kill Ross when she got what she needed from him?” 

Loki leans in again, this time Steve doesn’t stop him. The gods words whisper across Steve’s lips just before he closes the remaining distance.

“She wouldn’t say, but I don’t think we’ll have to wait long to find out. If she’s done with him, she won’t want to have to keep impersonating him.”

“True,” Steve pants. “Tomorrow we should really go over that file. It looked like 4 separate sites, we’ll have to plan to hit.” He crashes their lips back together.

“Yes…. Tomorrow……I’ll call Bucky…….. to come by,” Loki says between kisses. “But for now…….. why…… don’t you tell me…….. what dirty thoughts……. were going through your head…… when you saw two of me…..”

Steve moans into Loki’s mouth and drags him towards the bed room.

Loki kisses Steve again, pushing his tongue into the blondes mouth. He pulls back and bites sharply at Steve’s neck causing him to hiss at the sudden pain, but Loki doesn’t fail to notice how Steve doesn’t pull away, instead he tilts his head back, baring more of his throat to the god. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking love.” Loki runs his tongue across the spot where he just bit down and then sucks hard enough to leave a mark.

Steve’s breath stutters as he tries to think around the short circuit in his brain. “I’m thinking about how amazing it would be to have two of you.”

“Like this,” Loki’s voice comes from behind as a warm body presses up against Steve’s back.

The blonde whimpers when the duplicate snakes a hand around his chest.

The original Loki keeps working at Steve’s neck with his mouth, while the clone trails his hand down and begins to rub across the bulge in his pants, “now that you have us, what do you want?”

“Everything,” Steve gasps, senses already beginning to overload. It is odd to hear the low chuckle that comes from both mouths, but so, so exciting. 

The clone begins to work open Steve’s pants and reaches inside to grasp his flesh. For some reason, Steve had thought it would feel different to be touched by the duplicate, but it doesn’t and that makes it so much better and so he leans his weight back against the clone’s chest.

He has a moment of clarity, just long enough to ask, “is this ok? I mean are you ok with doing this?”

Both Loki’s respond, “Yes, I want this.”

“Okay…. Uh….. can you feel what he feels?” Steve asks the original Loki.

“Everything,” is the response, whispered against his neck.

There is a whine that comes from Steve’s throat, “so….uh…..if I were to suck his cock while you fucked me, you’d feel all that?”

Loki gives a pleased affirmative hum against his neck, “is that what you want?”

Reaching up, Steve grabs Loki by the hair and forces his head back up to look directly into his eyes, “too start.”

This time it is Loki who groans. All three of them make quick work of shedding their clothes. The clone lays on the bed with his back against the head board, knees bent and legs splayed open. Steve wastes no time crawling up his body and kneeling between his legs. The blonde takes hold of the duplicates cock and takes just the first few inches in his mouth. 

Behind him, Loki nudges and touches Steve’s hips and back until he is satisfied with his position. He pauses long enough to watch Steve take another inch into his mouth before climbing on the bed. The god runs a hand gently across Steve’s flank, raising gooseflesh in the wake of his touch. Placing his hands on the flesh of Steve’s ass, he leans in and licks across the puckered hole. 

Steve immediately bucks forward, gagging himself on the cock in his mouth. Loki shifts his hands so he can grip his husband at the hips to hold him steady as he repeats the move. The blondes hips jerk again and this time he pulls off the clone’s cock, panting.

“God, Loki.”

“Tell me what you need,” the god instructs, concern in his voice.

Before he answers, Steve gives a strong suck to the head of the clones dick, “keep doing that.”

“Then I need you to hold still.”

“You do it. Don’t let me move.” Its said as if in challenge and Loki will gladly accept. 

Grabbing Steve by the hips, he squeezes his fingers into the muscles at the top of his thighs and probes into Steve’s entrance with his tongue. For just a moment Steve stops moving, lips wrapped around the clone’s length. He starts to move again when his hair is grabbed and his head is moved up and down the cock in his mouth. Once he has started moving on his own again, the hand is removed and placed back on the bed. But only briefly, before Steve grabs it and places it back on his head. A little pressure on the clone’s hand, is all it takes for Steve to indicate what he wants. 

Loki can’t take the insistent ache in his groin any more and so he grabs the lube from their night stand before positioning himself behind Steve again. This time he grips the blonde’s hips and slowly works himself inside, mindful of trying not to choke Steve again. The feeling of being inside both Steve’s mouth and ass at the same time is so intense Loki has to stop moving for fear of coming right then. But when Steve pushes back, impaling himself further, Loki starts to move. It takes some effort to find a rhythm that works, but when they do……. The only warning Steve gets is when his head is pushed down until he reaches his gag reflex and the hand in his hair tightens hard enough to make tears form at the corners of his eyes.

The hand falls limp to the bed and Steve is hauled bodily upright, until he is kneeling on the bed with Loki kneeling behind him, chest pressed to Steve’s back, still buried in his ass. The god wraps his long arms around Steve’s torso and holds him immobilized, while the clone repositions himself so he can take Steve’s length into his mouth. 

The blonde doesn’t know whether to push back or thrust forward and so he tries to do both. 

“I need you to hold still,” the god admonishes again.

And again, he gets the same response, “don’t let me move.”

 

Loki is laying on his back, looking over Steve’s shoulder, where his hands are clutched tightly enough to bruise, into the face of his clone. It’s a little disconcerting seeing his own face frowning in concentration, but that is short lived as the blonde shifts his angle and his length runs across the gods prostrate. He shifts his eyes back to his husband, who looks absolutely stunning. His hair is damp with sweat, cheeks flushed red, pupils blown wide open. Steve makes a noise between a groan and a whine each time the clone thrusts in to him and that combined with the sensation of being inside of and fucked by Steve at the same time, is just too much and Loki spills between their bodies with a gasp.

The clone withdraws completely, causing Steve to look back over his shoulder in question. 

“A moment,” Loki explains, “I just need a moment.” 

“Ok yeah,” Steve pulls out and sits back on his knees as Loki gets off the bed. He has no to time to react when the duplicate grabs him by the arms and pulls him up off the bed, shoving him face first against the wall. His hands are forced over his head in a vise like grip as he is entered forcefully. Already at the point of over stimulation, when Loki starts to stroke him, Steve comes so hard in his hand he barely feels the clone reach his release.

The blonde collapses forward against the wall and slowly turns to rest his back against it. “Is that all you got?” He smirks.

Despite the clear challenge, Loki can tell by the way he is leaning heavily against the wall, that Steve is wearing down. But still, the god is not one to back down from a challenge. “And what it is you want this time?”

 

With each snap forward of Loki’s hips, the headboard slams into the wall and in the back of Steve’s mind he has just enough awareness to be grateful for the sound barrier Loki put around the room 2? 3? Hours ago. He doesn’t know and can only concentrate on the feeling of the god moving within his body, the slight awkwardness of the way his knees are pushed tightly up against his chest and the harsh squeeze from where the clone has his wrists pinned tightly to the bed above his head, ensuring he doesn’t try to move. As if he would. 

Loki’s duplicate is kneeling on the bed at Steve’s head, his knees still on Steve’s wrists, while he strokes himself. The blonde only wishes he was better able to see it, but he definitely feels it when the clone comes across his chest and face. He feels the weight on the bed shift when Loki vanishes the clone and now it is just the two of them. 

Slowing his pace down, Loki backs off just enough for Steve to wrap his legs around his waist, before lowering himself down so he can kiss his husbands lips. He keeps his eyes open, watching his loves reactions. And when he feels the sharp pain of Steve’s fingers digging into his shoulders and the tightening of his legs wrapped around his waist as the blonde comes one last time, Loki finds his own release. When he pulls out, Steve drops his legs to the bed, but otherwise doesn’t move and the sight is…… it will forever be etched into the gods memory. Steve is incredible and stunning and utterly filthy. 

With a tired smile, Loki gets up off the bed. “I’ll go run a bath,” he says over his shoulder eliciting a weak wave of Steve’s hand in response. His first order of business is to quickly wipe himself down. With the tub filling, the god goes back into the bedroom to roust Steve. 

The blonde is now curled up on his side and barely reacts to Loki’s presence. “C’mon love. Let’s get you cleaned up and then you can sleep,” he says, picking Steve up. After gently helping him in the bath, mindful of the bruises he can already see forming, Loki changes their bedding. When he goes to check on his husband, he finds Steve already asleep in the warm water. 

“I love you Steve Rogers,” Loki breathes as he pick up a wash cloth and begins to carefully wash Steve’s body.

 

 

 

 


	17. Centennial Celebrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These events take place just prior to Chapter 9 of The First of Many...

 

 

Chapter 17 Centennial Celebrations

 

Loki wakes to an empty bed. Again. And oh how he hates that. He immediately looks to Steve's pillow where the blonde typically leaves a note when he goes out to run. Typically. Although he had been finding those notes less and less frequently as the month had worn on. And this is the 4th day in a row with no such note. But today. Of all days, Loki had expected, hoped for, something different. 

Getting up from the bed, Loki starts his morning routine and allows his mind to wonder if Steve's mood has worsened with the new day or if maybe, by some miracle, he has snapped out of his funk. It's hard, this not knowing what to do. But how does one fix something when you don't even know what is broken? 

Loki knows for sure that Steve Rogers is not happy, he just doesn't know why. A call to Bucky had proven fruitless, as did the follow up with Natasha. He just doesn't know what is bothering Steve and that feels like a failure. Loki should know. He should be able to fix what ever this is.

Talking to Steve had been frustrating. The god couldn't be sure if Steve was purposely being vague or if the man truly had no idea what was wrong himself. _Please just tell me what I can do. _The frustrated sigh he got in return was enough to stop Loki from asking again.__

____

As he is dressing, Loki can hear the front door open and close as his husband returns from his run. Loki braces himself, plasters a smile on his face and walks out to greet his love. 

__

"Did you have a good run?" he asks, dipping his head down for a quick kiss that is not returned. He already knows the answer before Steve even opens his mouth. _It was fine_.

__

"It was fine." 

__

"Good. I'll make breakfast while you shower," Loki states matter of factly, unwilling to allow his offer to be brushed off this morning. 

__

Of course, that doesn't stop Steve from trying. "You don't have to." _I'm fine_. "I'm fine."

__

Loki's patience is worn thin and he knows Steve can tell when he responds, "we'll I'm hungry so I'm making breakfast. Eat it or don’t." 

__

For just a moment Loki is sure Steve is going to relent, but then, "I'm gonna shower." 

__

He glares at Steve's retreating back before pulling down a box of cereal and pouring himself a bowl. It's childish and he knows it, but he'll be damned if he makes another breakfast just to have it go to waste. 

__

Steve emerges as Loki is finishing washing his bowl at the sink. He doesn't mean to, but he feels his shoulders tense when the blonde asks, "I thought you were going to make breakfast?" 

__

"I changed my mind." 

__

Letting out an audible sigh Steve responds, "I'm trying Loki." 

__

As much as he wants to, the god can't stop himself from bristling at what surely must be a lie, because a Steve Rogers who was trying wouldn't push him away so easily and so consistently. 

__

"Are you?" 

__

And maybe this time Steve sees it because he steps forward and wraps his arms around the gods waist, resting his head against Loki's shoulder. 

__

"Let's go for a ride, on the bike," the blonde suggests and Loki almost sags in relief. "Just give me a minute to gather a few things." 

__

"Yes, of course."

__

 

__

Loki has his arms wrapped tightly around Steve's mid section as they speed down the highway. The god has no idea where they are going and frankly he doesn't care. For now it is enough to be close. He is almost disappointed when Steve stops the bike in a small town just in front of a diner, knowing without the roar of the bikes engine, they will be forced into making small talk again.

__

Its awkward. And it shouldn’t be. After everything they have been through together, this little thing, sitting together at a diner, should be easy. Loki isn’t sure if he should try to talk to Steve, maybe just about the weather, or not. He has no idea how any such efforts would be received and so he keeps his eyes on the menu in front of him.

__

“I found out Peggy Carter is alive,” Steve announces so suddenly that Loki almost startles.

__

Carefully, he closes his menu and places it on the table, hoping the movement will distract from the slight tremor in his hands. “Oh?”

__

“Yeah. I couldn’t get a straight answer out of Furry as to why they didn’t tell me when I first woke up, but her niece, Sharon, called me.”

__

Even though Loki is sure he already knows, he asks anyway, “when was this?”

"About a month ago.”

__

“And have you been to see her?”

__

Steve frowns as he fiddles with the napkin that is wrapped around his silverware, “no. I got close once. Stood outside, in the hallway to her room at the nursing home, but I didn’t go in.”

__

He wants to reach across the table and take Steve’s hand in his own, to offer some small form of comfort, but he doesn’t, mindful of the way most of his touches have been rebuked lately. “Is there a reason why?”

__

With a humorless chuckle Steve looks around the diner, everywhere but at Loki, “because I’m a coward. What if she doesn’t recognize me? Or worse, what if she does?”

__

This time Loki doesn’t resist the urge and he strokes two long fingers along the edge of Steve’s hand. And when Steve turns his hand and grasps Loki’s loosely in his own, before intertwining their fingers, the god wants to sob in gratitude. 

__

“Would you be willing to go with me?’ Steve asks so quietly that Loki almost can’t make out the words.

__

“Of course. What ever you need,” he punctuates this with a squeeze of Steve’s hand. 

__

The waitress stops by to take their order and Loki withdraws his hand to pick up his menu again. Orders placed, Steve reaches his hand out, palm up, and Loki takes the invitation, twining their fingers back together. It feels good, nice, comforting. 

__

“When did you want to go?”

__

“We’re actually not that far away…..” the blonde trails off.

__

“You wish to go now?” Loki can feel the tensing in Steve’s body, radiating all the way down to where their hands are connected. “Now is fine,” he adds hastily. “As long as you are ready.” He must have said the right thing, because Steve relaxes just as quickly as he tensed.

__

“Yeah, I think so. After lunch. We can stop by.” Steve goes quiet as he watches the waitress flit from table to table in the diner. He turns back to the god as a thought occurs to him, “you didn’t have anything planned? For today? Did you?”

__

And here’s a minefield Loki doesn’t want to navigate. Does he tell Steve that yes, he did make plans for today, knowing that the blonde will put off going to see Peggy again. Or does he tell Steve that no, he did not plan anything at all and possibly risk hurting his feelings. He opts to go with the truth. "I had an idea for later tonight, but no solid plans. I wanted to keep our options open, in case there was something specific that you wanted to do. I meant to ask you, but…..” 

__

“But I’ve been absolutely horrible, I know,” Steve finishes for him, voice an odd mix of regret and annoyance.

__

Loki opens his mouth to respond, but snaps it closed again when the waitress arrives with their food. Before he gets the chance to try again, Steve speaks up, “maybe we can still do it, whatever your idea was. After. If you still want to.”

__

“If you’re feeling up to it, then yes, we can still do it.”

__

They fall into silence as they eat. And that’s ok. This silence Loki can deal with.

__

 

__

An hour later Loki stands in the small facility, beside Steve, as he stares at the door for room 133, belonging to Peggy Carter. He knows his stomach is in knots and so he can only imagine what Steve must be feeling. He watches Steve reach out a hand and grip the door handle and then stop. The moment stretches on until Loki gently places a hand on Steve’s arm, “its ok. I’ll be waiting right out here.”

__

Jerking his head around Steve sounds near panic, “what? No! I need you with me. I can’t do this alone.”

__

Loki shifts and pulls Steve into his arms, “okay, of course love. I’ll be right here with you.” He can feel Steve exhale against his neck. “Are you ready?” There is a quick nod in response and so Loki pulls back, reaches out and opens the door.

__

He isn’t sure what he expected, he has seen pictures of Steve’s first love, but somehow he wasn’t quite able to picture the woman he see’s sitting in a chair, gazing out the large window. 

__

She has silver, medium length hair, still wavy and thick with all her years. Her face is marked with wrinkles that show her age. Her features are soft and show a mixture of pleasure, sadness and clear recognition when her eyes land on Steve, but they sharpen immediately when she notices Loki standing just behind him. That only lasts a moment as her eyes quickly return to Steve.

__

“Steve……”

__

The blonde is at her side, on his knees in an instant. He cradles her delicate hand in both of his own. 

__

“Look at you. Its like not a day has gone by.”

__

“Peggy. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” Steve apologizes.

__

“Nonsense. I know you were busy. Off saving the world again.” Her eyes flick to Loki, who is standing awkwardly by the door. 

__

Steve reaches one hand back behind himself and Loki takes the hand, allowing himself to be pulled forward. “This is Loki.”

__

The god looks at his love, one hand held in his own and the other still holding on to Peggy’s. 

__

“I know exactly who he is,” Peggy responds and Loki doesn’t miss the distinct tone of disapproval in her voice.

__

Loki tries to pull his hand back, but Steve only grips tighter.

__

“He’s my husband Peg.”

__

“Your husband?” She questions.

__

Steve rises and releases her hand, moving to stand close to Loki, “yes. He’s amazing.” He smiles softly at Loki before looking back to Peggy.

__

The god can see that this is a conversation that needs to take place privately between Steve and Peggy and so he uses the excuse of needing to use the restroom to leave, but not before Steve pulls him in for a quick kiss.

__

 

__

Wandering the facility, Loki spends his time speaking to several of the other residents. He surreptitiously uses his magic to ease the discomfort of those that he can and for those that he cannot, he offers conversation and kind words. In all, he finds it calming and even a little rewarding. But that feeling quickly evaporates when his phone buzzes with a text from Steve asking him to return. 

__

When he walks back in the room, he finds Peggy reclining on the bed and Steve sitting in the chair next to her. Both are smiling, but Steve’s smile widens just a little when Loki comes back in the room.

__

“Did you know today was Steve’s birthday?” Peggy asks as soon as the door is closed.

__

Loki blinks in surprise at the unexpected question. “Yes, I know.”

__

“I hope you have something special planned for him, other than visiting an old woman.”

__

“I had something in mind.”

__

That seems to satisfy Peggy and she turns her attention back to Steve. “It was good to see you again Steve.”

__

“Are you kicking me out?” he half jokes.

__

The look on her face is firm when she responds, “yes. I am. Go spend the rest of your birthday with your husband. Now give an old woman a hug, then let me have a word with Loki.”

__

Steve smiles and gives the requested hug, along with a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon Peg.”

__

“You better,” she chastises as she watches him walk out the door, squeezing Loki’s arm on the way past.

__

As soon as the door clicks shut, Peggy turns her attention to the god. “Steve thinks the world of you.”

__

“As he does of you,” Loki counters.

__

“He told me what you did for him. How you saved him and I cannot thank you enough for that. The world needs him.”

__

“I hope you will forgive me for being selfish and saying that the world has already taken enough from him.”

__

Loki isn’t expecting the smile that radiates across her features. “Then you and I agree. I expect you to take care of him. Lord knows he is terrible at looking after himself.”

__

He can’t help the laugh that he snorts out, “yes, I have noticed that.”

__

“Now go. Take him somewhere nice for his birthday,” she waves her hand dismissively and the god gets up and exits with a smile on his face.

__

 

__

Riding behind Steve on the way back to their house, Loki can feel that the blonde is much more relaxed. They are only there long enough for Loki to gather a bag. Once he is done, he takes Steve’s hand and opens the way to Yggdrasil.

__

They step out onto the bank of the river near their cabin in Colorado. Steve knows instantly just where they are standing and he can feel the color rise in his cheeks as he thinks about the way they first made love right in this very spot. 

__

Pulling open the bag, Loki takes out a blanket and spreads it on the ground before sitting and gently pulling Steve down beside him. It is still light out and so they sit and eat the food Loki brought along. When they are done and the containers are put away, Loki lays down on his side, using a light jacket for a pillow. He pats the blanket in front of his chest and Steve quickly obliges him by laying down with his back to Loki’s chest. 

__

“How are you feeling love?” the god asks.

__

“Better. I needed to get that over with. Needed to know she could forgive me for leaving her like I did.”

__

“And did she?”

__

Steve sighs quietly, “yes.”

__

“And does she forgive you for being with me?”

__

“Loki,” Steve starts.

__

“Does she?”

__

Steve wiggles around until he is facing the god, “there is nothing to forgive. And once we talked, it did feel good to have her approval.”

__

Loki can feel the tension as it flees his body. Despite their brief conversation, he had still worried. Had still, somewhere in the back of his mind, worried that Steve would leave him with just a word from Peggy Carter. But this time, it is different and for once he is enough. Everything that he is and more importantly, everything he is not, is still enough to keep Steve with him. 

__

“I love you Steve Rogers.”

__

Those words, every time Steve hears them, his heart skips a beat. He doesn’t think he will ever grow tired of hearing them. And even though he loved Peggy, what he has now, with Loki, is so much more. The blonde leans in and kisses Loki softly, coaxing his mouth open with gentle swipes of his tongue.

__

Loki’s breath catches when he feels Steve’s lips caress his own. Even though his need is great, he takes his time. When the blonde’s hands start to roam across his body, unbuttoning his shirt, unzipping his pants, Loki reaches into the bag and pulls out a bottle of lube.

__

 

__

As he gazes up into Steve’s eyes as the blonde moves within his body, Loki feels……he feels…..everything. Love and trust and acceptance and hope, everything all mixed together until it spills out of him in a gasp as he comes between their bodies. The world melts away when he feels Steve reach his release and they lay just as they are, still connected, still as one. 

__

Steve shifts them until he is on his side with Loki’s chest pressed against his back once again. The god can feel the way the blonde is relaxed, more than he has been in weeks. And he is grateful to be able to share in it with him. He holds Steve close, just until the sky darkens, then he raises up on one elbow. Bringing his other hand in front of them both he casts an illusion of Steve’s shield in the palm of his hand.

__

“What’s this?” Steve asks.

__

With a flick of his wrist, Loki tosses the shield several feet into the air where it bursts into flashes of red, white and blue. “Fireworks,” Loki tells him as he conjures an image of his helmet and then tosses it into the air just above their heads where it too explodes into a series of sparks, this time green and gold. 

__

Steve turns around so they are facing each other, mirroring the way Loki is laying propped on one elbow. Even though Loki misses the feeling of Steve’s body close to his own, being able to see the look of wonder on his loves face when he casts an image of his motorcycle is completely worth it. 

__

Next it is a rose, then a wind up toy, followed by a teddy bear. All created within the palm of Loki’s hand and all transforming in to a perfect miniature fireworks show taking place just a few feet above their heads. 

__

Steve raises his hand up next to Loki’s, “teach me how to do that,” he requests, voice filled with awe. 

__

And so he does. The god guides and instructs Steve until they are both casting illusions, smiling and laughing at the images they each come up with. And this is good. It is theirs alone and Loki knows he has done well on this day.

__

 

__

 

__


	18. Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place prior to This Again.

 

 

Chapter 18 Watching

 

Steve watches Loki. He often watches him. He tries not to be obvious, tries to keep his looks subtle, but watching Loki, looking at his husband, is one of his favorite things to do. He still marvels at how stunningly beautiful the god is with his pale skin, black hair and bright green eyes. He is all sharp lines and lean muscle. 

He knows every line, every plane of his body, every scar, every mark. And he cannot get enough of him. Steve is currently laying on his side, one arm bent at the elbow, hand propped below his head. Loki is asleep beside him, laying on his stomach, a sheet covering the skin from his lower back down to his knees. One hand is tucked up under his pillow. 

His face is turned towards Steve and the blonde drinks in every feature. His eyes graze across the pronounced cheek bones, the fine structure of his nose, the way his hair slightly covers his ear leaving only glimpses of the pale flesh peaking between the inky strands. He wants to run his hand lovingly down the muscles of Loki's back, bringing goose flesh to the surface from his touch, but he waits, not wanting to wake the god just yet. 

He settles for watching the rise and fall of Loki's chest in time with the whisper of his breath. Steve is so focused on taking in every last detail down to his husbands feet, that he misses the moment when Loki opens those amazing green eyes and smiles.

 

Loki is bent over his desk, an ancient scroll laid out across the surface. His back is slightly arched, highlighting the length of his body. Steve is leaning against the door frame, arms folded across his chest, a smile tugging at the edge of his mouth. The god’s hair is pulled back in a low loose pony tail, stray strands falling forward to frame his face. Resisting the urge to wrap his hands in those raven locks is difficult and when Loki raises his head and favors the blonde with a pleased grin, Steve gives up on resisting.

 

The mirror is starting to steam up as Steve shaves, but it is still clear enough for him to see Loki in the shower over his shoulder. Water is streaming down the god’s back, running in rivulets down his muscles. The blonde straightens, razor forgotten in his hand, mesmerized by the sight. It only takes a moment to abandon his task and join Loki in the shower.

Taking the wash cloth out of Loki’s hand, Steve begins to gently wash his back, taking his time, allowing his eyes to travel over every inch of his love. With a gentle touch, Loki turns and Steve pulls him forward into a deep kiss. Even now, the blonde can’t get enough and keeps his eyes open so he doesn’t miss the way the god’s brow relaxes or the way the corners of his eyes crinkle at the same time he feels Loki smile against his lips.

 

And now, especially now, Steve watches. It’s hard though, to keep his focus. His eyes travel from Loki’s chest, flushed with exertion, down his arms framed on either side of Steve’s head. Raising his head and shoulders up, Steve wraps a hand around the back of the god’s neck, drawing him down until their lips meet. He releases his grip and his head falls back to his pillow with a gasp when Loki’s cock drags across that spot, the one that makes him want to squeeze his eyes shut and moan.

But he doesn’t. He forces himself to keep his eyes open so he can watch the god move and breathe and pant. He’s gorgeous. Not just the way he looks, but the way he moves, the way he makes Steve feel, everything he does. And right now, the way he shifts his body, _Oh God_ , what he is doing to Steve…. 

Steve’s eyes flick rapidly between Loki’s own closed eyes, the muscles on his shoulders, tendons drawn taught with movement and the way his mouth falls open in pleasure. He knows the god is close, he has watched him enough. The signs are all there. 

He can’t hold back the whine that starts in the back of his throat when Loki opens his eyes and brings his body lower, changing the angle of his thrusts. And when Steve tips over the edge, he can’t stop his eyes from finally falling closed. And he is beautiful. Loki knows he is, because he has been watching Steve too.

 

 


	19. Silver, Red, White and Mostly Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 19 Silver, Red, White and mostly Blue

The first thing Loki notices when he opens the door to his and Steve’s Brooklyn home, are the low melancholy notes of a solo trumpet. A frown creeps across his features with the addition of a trombone. He knows this music. He wishes that he didn’t. He knows just by those first few notes, how Steve is feeling.

Steve feels everything so completely. His joys spill out of him from the curve of his lips and the lines radiating from the corners of his eyes. It comes out in his laugh and the way he tips his head back and holds his arms across his chest, when something strikes him as funny. And it is hard not to feel it with Steve, as his grin is infectious. His joy sparkles and shines, radiating out to everyone around. 

Loki knows that Steve has a temper. Although the blonde tries to keep it in check, there are times that it slips through. He always tries to intervene when he see’s Steve like this, knowing the blonde will hate himself later if he manages to hurt someone in his anger. If you were to ask Steve, he would be quick to point out that since being with the god, his temper has greatly improved. Loki is inclined to agree and is pleased that he seems to have a positive effect on his husband. But still there are times that Steve’s rage gets the better of him, especially when someone commits a particularly heinous act.

And he loves so thoroughly. Steve Rogers gives himself totally to those he loves and none more so than to Loki himself. His love is so all encompassing that Loki cannot help but love Steve back with equal intensity. Steve’s love is steady, encouraging, and affirming. It is beautiful and pure, leaving Loki in awe and humbled to be the focus of Steve’s affection. 

The god removes his coat, hanging it on the hook by the front door. He pulls his gloves off and drops them on the table in the entry way. His scarf, he unwinds from his neck and drapes over the back of Steve’s favorite chair. The blonde’s shield leans against the wall, shining, silver and bright.

He stops in the living room, breathing deep, in an attempt to center himself. He knew today was likely to be a bad day and he made every effort to finish his meetings on Vanaheim quickly in order to be home for Steve. He sits on the couch and pulls his low boots off, placing them beneath the coffee table with his socks folded up inside. Then Loki stands and begins to unbutton his shirt. Walking down the hall, the music continues, increasing in volume as he gets closer. 

The bedroom door is open, a telling sign. And one Loki is grateful for. The open door is a silent request, a wordless plea for when Steve is unable to articulate what he needs. A tuft of blonde hair is barely visible beneath the red blanket Steve has pulled around his body. A gift from the god, imbued with a calming magic and Loki’s distinct scent, he gave it to Steve to help him sleep when they are apart.

The god removes his shirt and then his pants, placing them on top of the dresser. Taking a seat on the bed, Loki pulls Steve’s discarded sketch book to him. This particular book tells a lot about Steve, but Loki is the only person to ever see it. The images are revealing, all sharp lines and dark smudges, but so much more can be learned from the swaths of blank white space on each unfinished drawing. 

Flipping through the pages, Loki runs his fingers across each image. The Valkyrie, partially submerged in ice and snow, Bucky falling from the train, Steve’s pre serum self. Doctor Erskine, Tony Stark, Red Skull, Peggy Carter. And Loki himself. Too many pages of Loki. Today there is a new drawing and the god gazes down at the lines drawn with obvious care, at the blending of color pulling forth the lovely, even though incomplete, features of Sarah Rogers. 

For every other emotion that Steve feels so intensely, he feels his hurts so overwhelmingly at times that it threatens to pull him under and drown him in their depths. Loki knows this and he is devoted to helping Steve navigate his sorrows for as long as he needs.

He moves the sketch book to the side table along with Steve’s pencils and gently tugs at the edge of the blanket wrapped around his husband. Loki lifts the edge and lays down next to the blonde, where he runs his hand soothingly up and down Steve’s back. He can feel the way Steve’s breath shudders in his chest and can see the slight tremble in his broad shoulders. 

Loki can hear the deeper inhalation that signals a change and he pauses to allow Steve to turn to face him. He reaches up and strokes the backs of his fingers across the blonde’s cheek. Bringing their bodies closer together, Loki resumes running his hand up and down Steve’s back. And he waits. He waits until Steve is ready. He waits until Steve opens his eyes and Loki can see the pain in all of that beautiful blue. 

 


	20. Don't Tell Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 58 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 20 Don’t tell Steve

Some things just don’t change over time. The earth continues to circle the sun. Years go by. Time moves forward. And James “Bucky” Barnes is still a trained assassin. He may not be under Hydra’s control any longer, but the training never goes away. 

The first thing he does, this morning, just like every morning before and just like every morning to come for the rest of his life, is assess his situation. Don’t move, don’t open your eyes, don’t change your breathing. Just listen, observe, survive. 

He can tell he is in a bed, not his bed, and that it is still early, based on the angle of the sun light coming through the window shining through his eyelids. He can feel the throbbing in his head and vaguely remembers spending a late night with Thor, drinking Asgardian mead. He can feel the warmth of another body pressed against his chest and can hear the soft breathing coming from his bed mate. 

Cracking open an eye, all he can see is a cascade of soft dark curls spilled across the pillow. Wracking his brain, Bucky tries to think of his companion’s name, but it won’t come to him. Still, though, this isn’t the first time he has woken up and couldn’t remember the girl’s name.

“Good morning Doll,” he says, pulling the body in front of him just a little closer. He frowns when the body shifts and he realizes it is much taller than he expected, the lines and edges sharper than he expected and the voice…..

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t call me that.”

…..Is decidedly deeper than he expected. 

He scrambles backwards, falling right off the side of the bed in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets. “Oh god…”

“Yes, I have been called that before. Coincidently, most notably in bed.”

The face that peers over the edge of the bed at him is entirely too Loki.

__________ 

  
_“Brother, don’t tell Steve, but I fear I may have broken James.”_

_Loki pulls the phone away from his ear and sighs before turning on the lamp beside his bed. Steve sits up beside him, face etched with concern. Loki places the phone on speaker and sets it on the bed between them. He places a finger to his lips to keep Steve quiet._

_“Now what’s this all about?” The god asks._

_“James and I went to a tavern to look for some companionship. Luck was not with us and so we adjourned to his apartment to watch a Midgardian movie. I brought some mead from Asgard and I fear James may have had too much.”_

_Loki closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, “where is he now?”_

_“He has locked himself in the bathroom and will not come out.”_

_“And why did he do that?”_

_“I asked him why he was no longer dating the Lady Natasha.”_

_Next to him, Steve winces, while Loki rolls his eyes._

_“What do you expect me to do about it?” Loki asks, even though he already knows the answer._

_“You have always been better at this sort of thing than I……”_

_Ignoring Thor as he continues to talk, Loki looks at Steve, “what do you want me to do?”_

_Thinking Loki is addressing him, Thor starts to repeat himself. “Not you, you big oaf. I’m talking to Steve.”_

_“Oh…”_

_Loki has to stop himself from laughing at the guilt that single syllable conveys._

_“Go get him.” Steve eyes the god’s naked flesh, “…..in a little bit. He can sleep in the guest room.”_

_“You heard him Thor. I’ll be there in a little while.”_

_“What am I supposed to do while I wait?”_

_“Not my concern,” Loki says ending the call_.

 

__________

The god appears in Bucky’s living room, crossing his arms over his chest as he gives Thor a withering look. “Where is he?”

“Still in the bathroom.”

“Alright, you may go, but Steve says you owe him for this.” The god doesn’t wait for a reply, instead he walks over the bathroom door and knocks loudly. “Barnes!” He tries the door and it is indeed locked. “You know this lock won’t keep me out.”

Loki waits until his patience runs out, approximately 4 seconds, before using his magic to break the lock and go inside. He finds Bucky laying on the bathroom rug, one arm under his head, snoring. 

“Oh for….Barnes! Wake up!” 

He jostles the soldier with his foot for good measure until he stirs and sits up, blinking slowly. Bucky frowns at the foot in front of him and sniffles. Looking up, he see’s the imposing figure of his good friend. 

“Loki?” He looks around, even though he is in the tiny bathroom and it is fairly obvious no one else is in there. “Where’s Thor?” He slurs.

“He left.” He may not have, but Loki really doesn’t care to check. “Come on. You need to get up off this disgusting floor.”

Bucky looks around the room and then back up at Loki, “yeah okay.” He tries to pull himself up using the counter, but stumbles, knocking everything off on to the floor.

Reaching out a steadying hand, Loki helps the man stand. Even with the god’s assistance he sways heavily on his feet. Despite that, he has enough presence of mind to beg, “don’t tell Steve.”

To which Loki just rolls his eyes and teleports them away.

 

__________

It takes a few tries and a lot of grumbling, on the gods part and some giggling on Bucky’s, but Loki is finally able to get Bucky out of his clothes and into a pair of Steve’s sleep pants. It doesn’t help that he can hear the blonde snickering from out in the hallway. 

When Bucky is finally laid out on the bed, Loki sits beside him, “I’m sure I warned you about drinking Asgardian mead,” he chastises. 

“Probably, but I’m just full of bad decisions.” 

Loki suppresses the sigh that tries to escape his lips. “No you’re not.”

“Yes I am.” Bucky almost sounds like a petulant child and Loki is half tempted to just use a spell to ease him into sleep, but he figures Steve wouldn’t approve.

“Would you like me to get Steve?”

“No.”

“Okay. Some water?” 

“No.” Loki doesn’t think the soldier is going to say anything else and so he turns, clicks off the bedside lamp and starts to get up. “Wait!”

Settling back on the bed, Loki rests his back against the headboard and waits for Bucky to talk. At one point Steve peeks around the door frame when he hears the hushed sound of his best friend and his husbands voices. His eyes open wide in amusement when he see’s Bucky laying with his head in Loki’s lap while the god strokes his hair. Loki looks up at the smirk on the blondes face and gives him an inelegant hand gesture in response. Steve covers his mouth to keep from laughing out loud and wanders back in to the living room.

 

__________

“Don’t tell Steve, but for the longest time I wished he was a girl.”

“What?” 

“A girl,” Bucky repeats to clarify.

“I know what a girl is.” Loki yawns, hand moving from Bucky’s hair, up to cover his mouth. “Why would you want Steve to be one?”

“Oh,” the soldier pauses for a second, “I always figured we would have been good together.”

Bucky is silent for awhile. Long enough for Loki’s eyes to start to droop and for his back to start aching where it is pressed against the headboard. When he looks at the clock it reads 4am. 

Feeling Loki shift beneath him, Bucky speaks again, voice slurred both by alcohol and exhaustion, “I’d rather have you now. If you were a girl.”

Loki only hums quietly as his eyes drift closed. 

Out in the hallway, Steve pulls out his phone and carefully pokes his head in to the room. The scene before him is even better than he could have hoped for and he chuckles quietly as he snaps several pictures of the two sleeping men, for blackmail, before retreating back to the living room couch to lay down.

 

__________

Loki peers over the edge of the bed and grins at the horrified look on Bucky’s face. His back aches from leaning against the headboard for so long and then sleeping on a bed that isn’t his own, but he knows its worth it when Bucky’s nervous, “don’t tell Steve” is met with the blonde’s laughter from the bedroom door.

 

 

 


	21. Slow and deliberate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Cellis here's a little Loki appreciation.
> 
> This chapter takes place immediately following Chapter 47 of Cut One Off

 

Chapter 21 Slow and Deliberate

 

_“I feel the need to show you just how amazing you are.”_

Steve locks the hotel room door and turns, gaze sweeping around the room with its king size bed and large plush chairs, which Steve is pretty sure will be fun to try out later. His eyes land on an overnight bag that must have been put in the room while they were out and he smiles. He turns back to find Loki pulling at the fingers of one of his leather gloves, starting to take them off. Reaching out, he covers the gods hands with his own to still him.

“Let me.”

“Alright.”

Steve can hear the hesitation and question in his husbands voice and so he releases the gods hands, threads his fingers in his inky black hair and murmurs in his ear, “let me take care of you. Let me show you just how amazing you are. Just let me…..”

He rubs his fingers in a circular motion along the base of Loki’s skull, applying just the right amount of pressure, the way he knows relaxes the god. 

With his other hand, he pushes a lock of hair away from Loki’s face, “I love your hair. The way it feels when I run my fingers through it. The way it curls at the tips. The way it falls in your eyes, just so I can brush it away.”

The blonde runs the back of his hand across Loki’s cheek, “and your eyes…. the brightest, most vibrant shade of green I have ever seen. So expressive and warm when you look at me and the twins. They sparkle and shine when you’re up to something. And I love the way they look when you smile, truly smile.”

Loki exhales an uneven breath as Steve unwinds the scarf from his neck, dropping it on a chair beside them. 

“And your neck, so long and graceful. Just perfect for me to…” 

Steve licks a stripe up the side of Loki’s neck causing the god to shiver and suck in a new breath. When Steve bites down and then gently sucks on the tender flesh over his pulse point the god’s breathing stutters. Moving his mouth up under Loki’s jaw line, he glides his left hand over the god’s shoulder and down his arm until their fingers are intertwined, Steve’s flesh against the warm supple leather of Loki’s gloves. 

Stepping back, Steve brings Loki’s hand up and gently removes the glove, before turning his attention to the other hand. 

“Your hands are so beautiful, long and delicate looking, but full of such power. A conduit for your magic, they can destroy or heal, with a touch. They can soothe or arouse with a caress. And when you touch me, I feel it for hours, my skin tingles with your energy, and it feels so, so good.”

Steve places Loki’s hands back at his sides and slides his own up under the lapels of the gods suit coat, pushing it slowly down off his shoulders until he is able to lay it across the back of the chair. He reaches up and removes his own jacket, as well as his tie and belt, before starting on Loki’s tie. Pulling it loose, he drops it along with everything else and then starts on the buttons of the god’s white shirt. 

“Do you see? Do you see how my hands shake with just this? In anticipation of revealing more of you.” 

He pushes the shirt off and then pulls the A shirt underneath up over the god’s head and then unbuttons and removes both his own dress shirt and under shirt. Loki stands still, eyes trained on Steve’s every movement. Trailing a hand across the gods collar bones, he dips his head down to place a kiss in the divot at the base of his throat. Loki’s gives a small whimper in response and Steve smiles up at him.

Sliding his hands around the god’s sides to his back, he caresses the muscles, starting at his shoulder blades and working his way down. 

“I love to touch you. Every inch of you. There is so much strength and grace in your body. And when I touch you,” he ducks his head down and gently takes a nipple into his mouth. When he pulls away he blows a cool breath across it, causing it to harden, “so reactive,” he murmurs before moving on to the other one.

Steve glides down to his knees and kisses softly at Loki’s abdomen while his hands rest lightly at his lower back. 

“Your body is so incredible. Not just how it looks, but what it can do.” He brings one hand around and places it on Loki’s hip. Leaning in, he kisses down the long silvery scar on his side. “You carry our children. Your greatest gift to me.”

He trails his hands down the god’s thighs, down until he can remove his shoes and socks. Loki obligingly lifts one leg and then the other as he reaches out and places one of his delicate looking hands on Steve’s shoulder to steady himself. 

Making short work of removing the god’s belt and pants, Steve runs his palms from Loki’s hips, down to his knees. 

“You’re so powerful. You stand firm and so strong. And when you wrap your legs around me……”

Steve glides his hands up the backs of his husband’s thighs to his ass. He brings his face close and nuzzles at Loki’s hip, while he teases lightly at the god’s hole with the fingers of one hand. 

“The pleasure I find in your body and the pleasure I feel when you are in mine, it’s almost too much….”

He turns and takes the god into his mouth and the hand on his shoulder squeezes down tightly in response. Bringing one hand to hold the base of Loki’s cock, he uses the other to unfasten his own pants. Loki’s hand drifts up to grasp at Steve’s short hair while the blonde works his mouth, taking his length deeper. 

“Steve…..Steve…..I’m….. I’m close…..”

Pulling off with a decidedly strong suck, Steve murmurs, “don’t hold back,” before swallowing Loki down again. 

There is a gasp, an almost painful tightening of the grip in Steve’s hair and then Loki is coming in pulses down the blonde’s throat. While the god is still dazed and recovering from his orgasm, Steve stands up and removes the rest of his clothing. Then he guides Loki to lay on the bed while he checks the overnight bag and pulls out the bottle of lube he knows is always stashed in a side pocket. 

“Steve…..” Loki calls out softly.

“Shhhhh…..I’m here. Right here.” He climbs on the bed and straddles Loki’s hips. Working one hand back, he begins to loosen himself. “I never imagined I would have someone like you. And I never imagined how incredible my life would be.” 

His eyes close and his mouth falls open as he continues to work himself open. Rocking his hips slightly, he can feel the drag of Loki’s cock along his balls. With his free hand, he begins to stroke himself lightly, craving the stimulation, but not wanting to come too soon.

Eyes open once again, he takes in Loki’s expression and shudders at the sheer intensity of it. A combination of love and lust, mixed in with frustration and even pride. When Loki shifts his hips and begins to grind up to get more friction, Steve knows they are both ready. Slowly, he guides Loki’s cock into his body, eliciting a long moan from the god. 

“Does that feel good?” He asks as he shifts his hips, up and back, establishing a rhythm that is both satisfying and frustrating all at once. 

Loki can barely form a coherent thought and so it takes great effort to force out a single, “Yes!” in response. 

“Good…s’so good. I can feel you. Every inch and its just….” He cuts off with a groan that makes Loki buck his hips up forcefully. 

“Only you can do this, make me so desperate, make me want something so much it hurts.”

Steve increases the pace and force of his movements while Loki continues to thrust up into him. It isn’t long before he cries out and comes into his hand. When he comes down from his bliss, he can feel the tight grip of Loki’s hands on his waist and the erratic jerking of the god’s hips that indicate his own pending release.

Allowing Loki to take what he needs from his body, Steve leans down and kisses him. The god barely has the ability to try and kiss back before Steve pulls away slightly so he can look in Loki’s eyes, wide open and wild.

“Your mouth, with your soft lips and powerful voice….. you could destroy me with a word, but you don’t. You tease and push and demand. You teach and joke and tell me the most incredible things.” Steve rolls his hips, grinding down, “you tell me that you love me.” 

Loki’s back arches off the bed in one final hard thrust that sends him over the edge. He collapses back down, breath quick and uneven. Steve leans in again, lowering his body until they are chest to chest, still connected, “You are so amazing and I love you.”

 

 


	22. Not a declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after chapter 57 of To Change His Fate.

 

Chapter 22

  
Not a Declaration

 

Steve still remembers the first time Loki said it, so casually, so naturally, and even though it wasn’t a declaration, merely an endearment, it never failed to make him react. Said softly, coupled with a gentle stroking of long fingers across his cheek or dragging delicately through his hair, it makes his heart swell until it aches, overflowing with love. When it is whispered huskily in his ear, their bodies intertwined, his body shudders in a pleasure filled haze. A slightly arched eyebrow and a suggestive tone elicits a pulse of want low in his belly. When Loki’s voice is filled with concern, eyebrows furrowed together, Steve can’t help but feel warmed all over, knowing that Loki cares so deeply. 

Yesterday morning, it was a whisper and an apology, voice sounding of regret as the god left for Asgard. And now, when he stands in the doorway, grinning at the sight of Steve trying and failing to feed two uncooperative babies, who are currently making a mess in their high chairs, it is said with a mixture of mirth and affection.

“Oh Love, what are those children doing to you?”

Steve grins up at his husband, “hey sweetheart.” He tries to make is sound casual, but knows it fell flat when Loki quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Uh….. yeah so….” He winces when Eiren scoops up a large glop of baby food and proceeds to drop it over the edge of her seat and on to the floor.

“Looks like I arrived just in time.”

Loki removes his jacket, unbuttons the cuffs of his dress shirt and rolls up the sleeves. He bends down and gives Steve a quick kiss before positioning one of the dining table chairs in front of Eirik so he can take over feeding him. 

“And what are we eating today?” he coos at the child. “Mmmm green mush. Oh and orange! How delightful.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve goes back to feeding Eiren, now slightly more successful without the distraction of keeping an eye on her brother.

 

After the twins have been put down for the night, Loki strips off his miraculously still clean dress shirt while casting a fond look at Steve’s own baby food stained T shirt. 

“I’m going to shower Love. Would you care to join me?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute honey.” God, that was even worse and Steve knew it before the word even left his mouth. Luckily Loki only smirks in return.

 

Steve’s legs are wrapped around Loki’s waist, his back up against the shower wall, arms wrapped tight around the god’s back, face buried in the juncture between his shoulder and neck.

He has to force himself to try again, maybe this will be the one, “baby…. feels so good.” But no, he can tell by the slight stutter of Loki’s hips that he was wrong again.

 

He keeps trying, each one failing, some worse than the others. Darling wasn’t as bad, but Pet earned him a glare. Lo produced a scowl and a terse warning. Variations didn’t seem to work either, Sweetness, Sweetie, Hon. He resorted to different languages, Amour, Chéri, Mari, but none of them felt quite right. 

He had kind of liked Elskan and when Loki pulled back from where he had been sucking a mark on to Steve’s neck, only to tilt his head at him like a confused puppy, the blonde didn’t feel like a total idiot. Right up until he asked, “I am gone to Asgard for one night and you forget my name?”

“Uh….” 

“All week you have been calling me everything except my name. I would know why.”

Steve raises up on his elbows, cheeks flushing pink as he tries to explain, tries to convey how much he likes it when Loki calls him Love. He stumbles on his words hoping Loki will understand what he had been trying to do. He almost sighs in relief when Loki finally stops his rambling and says, “so you wish to give me a nickname? The way that Stark does to everyone?”

“No! Not like that at all! I meant like something personal, affectionate, you know, between just us.”

Loki tilts his head again, looking as though he is considering Steve’s words carefully. “Maybe you have been overthinking this, Love.” His voice takes on a low seductive purr that makes Steve’s entire body shudder. “Maybe you need to let it come to you naturally. I suspect, if you were to clear your mind and not think on it, something will come to you all on its own.” The smile he flashes Steve is mischievous and just a touch feral.

 

The headboard creeks ominously when Steve throws his arm up over his head and grabs on, desperately trying to keep his body from thrashing on the bed. He can feel Loki’s huffed laugh around his cock and groans embarrassingly loud.

“Loki…..” he whines, too far gone to care about how he sounds.

Pulling off, Loki looks at the blonde and waits patiently until Steve’s face relaxes from where his eyes had been squeezed so tightly shut. When Steve finally opens his eyes and looks down his body and into those incredible green eyes, Loki grins and purposefully licks a long stripe up the underside of his cock.

“Loki……”

“Yes Love?”

Steve reaches up and grabs the head board with his other hand, trying hard to keep himself from writhing. “Loki please….”

And then his mouth is on Steve again. “Loki!” Steve sucks in air and gasps when he feels Loki swallow him down. His mouth opens and closes, unable to articulate anything else. And then his vision whites out as he comes. “Loki! Oh God! Oh God!” His hips jerk unconsciously and he doesn’t have the ability to try and stop it any more. 

When Loki releases him and crawls up the bed, he gently unwraps Steve’s fingers from the headboard and places them on the blonde’s still heaving chest. Little tremors run through Steve’s body and Loki smiles as he lays down, getting comfortable. He isn’t done yet, has not found his own release, but knows he needs to give his husband a chance to catch his breath before flipping him over and seeing if he can pull that delightful name from his lips again. 

“I rather like your new name for me,” he drawls happily. 

“My what?” Steve’s brain is fuzzy and he can’t make sense of what Loki is saying. He didn’t….. He thinks back, replaying the last few minutes over in his mind. Trying to remember everything he said.

_‘Loki…’_

_‘Loki…..’_

_‘Loki please…..’_

_‘Loki! Oh God! Oh God!’_

“Wait. That wasn’t……” he trails off too worn out to realize he only finishes the argument in his head. ‘ _an endearment. It was a declaration_.’

 

 

 


	23. Valhalla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place immediately after "Not Even Death"

Chapter 23 Valhalla

 

Steve can hardly think, can hardly string two thoughts together, but for brief seconds his head clears just enough. 200 years. 200 years of heartache, of loneliness. 200 years without his beloved husband, but now that is over. Now he has…. “Ahhhhh…..God……..Loki…..”

 

When Steve first saw Loki lounging on the bed hidden within the stand of maple trees, he collapses to his knees, hands covering his mouth, trying to stifle the whine that threatens to erupt from his throat. He can't speak, afraid as he is to ruin the illusion, because surely this must be a dream. And he would do anything to not wake up. 

He hates that he had forgotten just how bright Loki's green eyes were, how long and lean his body was. He was a stunningly beautiful man. 

"Steve, love?" his dream husband says as he rises from the bed, concerned. The whine intensifies as Loki gets closer and when the god lowers down to his own knees in front of Steve, the blonde starts to shake his head. When Loki raises a hand to touch him, Steve scrambles back out of reach. He squeezes his eyes closed, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill. 

"Steve." 

He knows the illusion will break as soon as they touch and so he flinches back when Loki tries to touch him again. When he feels it, feels the contact of cool skin on his face, for a moment he still doesn't believe. And then he is throwing himself forward, clutching at Loki hard enough to bruise, breaths coming in large gasps in between sobs that wrack his body. 

He is here. Loki is here and Steve can feel the strength of the slimmer man's body pressed against his own. He can feel the long fingered hands running over his back, through his hair. He can feel the press of Loki's lips against his own with the desperation of 200 years apart.

Those first few minutes are filled with frantic touches and desperate kisses interspersed with declarations of love.

 

It is real, he is real, all of it. And there is so much Steve wants to say as he looks down at Loki, so much he needs to say, but not now. His words have fled with his thoughts and all he can do is feel. He feels everything he has missed while they were apart. He feels acutely the place where they are joined, the melding of their bodies. The way they become one, completing the missing parts of each other. He can feel, but his efforts to vocalize it fail as his thoughts scatter with each roll of Loki's hips, each upward thrust. He can't focus enough to speak, he can only let his body, his instincts, his needs, communicate what his words cannot.

 

And later when he is on his back with Loki over him, the gods arms braced on either side of his head, moving in deep powerful thrusts, even now with the sheer desperation to be close somewhat calmed, Steve still cannot find the words to express what he is feeling. He cannot express his joy, his relief, his love for his husband. He can only feel it, all encompassing, all consuming until he feels like he might burn to ash and for a moment he thinks he might be, as he tips over the edge again. 

 

And still later, laying on his side with Loki's back pressed against his chest his head clears enough as his hips move shallowly, bringing them both to orgasm once again. 

"I love you. Please..... promise me.... never again... please... I can't live without you."

And this is a promise Loki can make.

"I promise. Steve, never again." 

 

After, as they lay, wrapped together under a blanket to ward off the chill as the sweat dries from their skin, "I mean it Steve. I promise." 

"Hmmm?" the blonde hums, close to sleep. 

"I made a deal, a long time ago, to ensure we would have eternity. Together." 

Now Steve is fully awake and pulling away to sit up.

"What kind of deal?" 

Loki sits up beside his love and takes his hand. "When someone dies, where they end up depends greatly on how they lived as well as how they died. There was no guarantee that we would end up together. So I made a deal." 

He pauses and looks into Steve's eyes. Buoyed by the faith he sees in them, he presses on. 

"I traded the last 200 years of my life to be here." 

Steve furrows his brow knowing there is more to Loki's story. 

"So that explains how you got here, but what about me?" 

"For the last 200 years I have been in service to the fates, to ensure your place." 

"Service?" 

“To attempt to extend ones life unnaturally is forbidden, there are those that try to circumvent death. They use unnatural means to stay among the living." 

"Dark magic?" 

"Yes, but as you know, when the fates call for us, we must obey." 

Steve nods, well aware the role the fates played in his death so very long ago. It was not his time and they gave Loki the means, with the final infinity stone, to save him.

“I am tasked with retrieving those that would try to cheat death.”

“And what do you do with them?”

“Most I deliver to Hel, but a fair amount are taken to Niflheim.”

Steve is quiet as he takes everything in. After a few moments, he has more questions. 

“How many times…… did you have to do it a lot?”

“At the beginning I was fairly active, but it has become less necessary.” Loki grins, “it would seem I have gained quite the reputation, but there is still the occasional need.”

The corner of the blonde's mouth twitches up at Loki's show of pride. 

“Now that you are here, we will go together. I am rather looking forward to fighting at your side again.”

 

Back in the cabin, as Steve eats the meal Loki prepared, he tells the god, “when I arrived, Eiren met me.”

The god, sitting across from him, gives a grim smile, “yes, she met me as well.”

“She is waiting for Casian.”

Loki knows this. He spends much of his time with his daughter. He watches Steve as he pushes his food around on his plate.

“What troubles you love?”

“Bucky.”

Brows drawing together in question, Loki waits for Steve to elaborate. 

“He’s been here so long. Alone. I always hated that he never found what we have and eternity is a long time to be alone.”

Loki grins and then chuckles, “oh love. Bucky is hardly alone. Tomorrow, his beloved will return and you will meet her. She is absolutely horrid. Brash and loud. Sarcastic and abrasive. You will love her, but do not spar with her, no matter what she promises.”

“How did they meet? Wait… why shouldn’t I spar with her?”

“She is a Valkyrie. She delivered Bucky here to Valhalla when he died. Her name is Brunnhilde.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't let poor Bucky spend eternity alone.


End file.
